Stuck in the Sticks

My Boss Is Gonna LOVE My New 'Do

2012-01-16T09:09:00.002-06:00

Those of you that have read my blog for a while (even when I stopped blogging for almost a year) know that I change my hair ALL the time. So it should come as no surprise that this weekend I dyed it...pink.

Ok so it's not TOTALLY pink but has pink/raspberry highlights. Here I'll show you.

My before picture where I'm pretending to eat a giant donut pillow (like you wouldn't do this. psh). I had major roots and light brown and blond highlights.

And my after with "raspberry kamikaze" highlights. Although it's faded a bit from this color.

My best friend did it for me in her kitchen sink. I think it looks cool. I'm sure it will fade out but that's ok because I'm sure my boss will HATE it.

Oh well he can always blame my bff. She did it. And she's been working here for 17 years and practically runs the place so that's the only reason I can get away with it.

Maybe next time I'll go with teal. Hmm what do you think?

Birchbox - It Has Nothing To Do With Trees Or Birch

2012-01-12T08:30:00.002-06:00

Have y'all heard of Birchbox before? I hadn't until last month and then I was hooked.

You sign up with them and for $10 a month they send you samples of super awesome beauty products. Like nail polish, anti-aging stuff, makeup, skin care, hair products, perfume... it's awesome!

I think it's like 4 samples a month. And they come in a super cute box all wrapped up and girly. I love it!

I got my box in yesterday and it had some perfume, anti-aging eye crap (I swear I can see a difference when I put it on), under eye cream/concealer, grayish/lavender nail polish (which I'm wearing today) and some granola (yea they throw in healthy body crap..blah blah blah).

It's pretty cool to get these expensive ass name brand samples because I can't afford to buy the stuff and then hate it. And if you DO want to buy it, you can get it through their site.

So far I've gotten 2 boxes and have ripped into those suckers like it's crack. I love beauty stuff. You'd never know it since I'm makeup disabled and only wear powder and mascara. I have a HUGE makeup bag at home...just sitting there. Laughing at me and flipping me the bird.

Oh sure I use the stuff...on Halloween. That's my day to practice putting on eyeliner. Also, I suck at it! AND look like a whore. So yea.

Anyway, y'all go check out Birchbox. You can cancel any time and you can do it monthly or any way you want. I think it's pretty cool and only 10 bucks.

P.S. I was NOT paid or given shit for writing this. I mean come on, who would pay me to talk about their products. I use descriptions like "Anti-aging eye crap" and "expensive ass name brands". Yea I agree, THEY'RE the ones missing out on my advertising genius.

Geeze What The Hell Happened To Me?

2012-01-10T09:40:00.004-06:00

I seemed to have forgotten all about my little bloggie boo. Just reading my last post, I realized my kid now has all his teeth (even though they are gigantic) and I have a new tattoo on my foot.
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I'm still the same ole me. Maybe a little "fluffier" than before though. I've just been taking care of the fam and getting along with my life.
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Reading some books on my kindle and watching some TV on the tube. Oh y'all, have you seen the TV show "The Walking Dead"? Because seriously, that show kicks major ass.
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I'm sure y'all would have guessed that I watch a show about Zombies. I mean come on, it's me! Horror Queen.
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Oh shit I didn't even blog pictures of me from Halloween. I even wore red contacts this year. Let me go find a picture. Hold on...
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My contacts were SO cool. I'm definitely gonna try a different kind this Halloween
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Tax season is fixing to start which sucks donkey ass. I'll try to blog a little bit when I get the chance. Hell I don't even know if anybody is gonna read this anyway.

If you're reading this, I SO missed you! ;)

Unlimited Shoes in ONE

2011-05-27T09:51:00.004-05:00

Y'all know I am a total shoe whore. I love me some shoes. And I can NEVER have enough.

Well my bff told me about some shoes she saw on TV. You can change the tops of the sandals to create different looks. They're called Onesoles.

So when she went to a local store to try some on I agreed to go. I had no plans of buying any since they were like $80 online.

Well we get there and I was talked into trying a pair on. Guys, they are so cute! And I only tried on the plain black ones.

After walking around in them I decided they weren't too bad. They don't pinch my fat feet or rub since the material on the upper is slip-proof . <-- I made that word up

So I ended up buying a pair (they were only $60 at our local store) and I bought a sparkly bandanna colored top to go with it.

The tops just snap onto the shoe. Easy peasy. A brand new shoe is made with every top.

Then I went online to the onesole official website to look around. Y'all! There was a freaking sale section on there. I ordered a butterfly clog top, a flowered top and these bad boys. My fave!

You can't tell in the picture but they are pink. And I think I paid $15 for the top, while our local store was charging $20 for ugly tops.

I love my new shoes and they are pretty comfy too. Not as comfy as my Nike gel flip flops but probably the most comfortable heel sandal I own. They don't pinch my feet or rub.

Y'all totally need to go check out the website. The designer made them originally to take on trips so she wouldn't have to pack so many pairs of shoes. They are super cool and I'm so glad I found them.

P.S. I wasn't paid for this post. NOBODY pays me anything, but I'm available if anybody is interested. LOL I just really like these shoes. Check em out.

P.P.S. Yes I know my toes are crooked. I can't help that.

P.P.S.S. I just got a pedicure yesterday or else you would NOT be seeing a picture of my feet.

My Pre-Beach Burn

2011-05-23T10:57:00.002-05:00

My brother got a new swimming pool so we went swimming yesterday. We had a pool party for the kids since they made it through 1st grade.

Well I slathered sunscreen on me and Speedy. 75 spf to be exact. But what I didn't do was put it on my legs. And then I sat in a pool floatie and floated around for maybe 20 minutes. When I got home my legs were on FIRE.

My legs are totally screwed and swolen. I'm currently sporting a dress today and spraying solarcaine on every so often.

Speedy was as red as a crawfish last night. Thank goodness his burn is gone today. Mine is still burning the fire out of me.

We're going on vacation this Saturday so I like to think that this burn is to prepare me for the trip. I'm gonna slather on the sunscreen every 30 minutes when we're on the beach. For now I just hope mine fades away.

And don't expect me to come home with a tan. I don't tan, I freckle. Oh the woes of having almost transparent skin.

I'm Baaackk...Well Maybe...I Can't Guarantee Anything

2011-05-20T15:30:00.002-05:00

Well hello there! Yea I've been missing since freaking March. I just got all caught up with stuff. Here I'll tell you more.

Tax season is over (Yayyyyy!!!)

I'm only working 5 days a week now

Speedy joined a baseball team

He didn't want to pay attention

He quit said baseball team within a week

I'm kinda glad about that

I've been baking my ass off

Not really

I wish I could actually do that to my ass though

I'm thinking of making a cookie blog

But not with this account

Nobody can know about the real me

I'll let y'all know when I make it

Anybody even reading this

*crickets*

I enjoy decorating cookies

I've invested way too much in it

Anybody want an order give me a shoutout

Here's my facebook cookie page

Go like it

I'm getting much better at decorating

Speedy got an award for getting all E's this year

He's officially a 2nd grader

He also got student of the month for May

He's on a 2-year winning streak with that

He's pretty awesome

Except he annoys the dog

And Flapjack runs and barks at him

Flapjack is my little guy

He makes me laugh

And is mildly special in the head

I'm going to the beach next weekend

I'm gonna be there for 5 days

I'm packing my SPF 85

I got sunburned this weekend helping split firewood

By help I mean I ran the lever on the wood splitter

I did this for 20 minutes and got burned on my neck

It hurt all week

I'm so white I'm almost invisible

Except when I get in the sun

Then I turn into Freckle Freak

Really who the hell needs freckles

Guess I better get back to "work"

P.S. My boss is out of town

Could you tell

Lots Happening (Said Like Mr. Miyagi)

2011-03-02T08:56:00.002-06:00

I've been super busy with work and haven't had time to blog so here's what's been going on.

I turned 30. YUCK and more YUCK

I bought myself a Kindle for my birthday (I love it!) I'm reading "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo"

Tax season sucks hairy balls

Flapjack got his balls cut off yesterday (He looked so sad last night, but he's better today)

I tiled the floor of my bathroom BY MYSELF (hubby just watched and handed me things I needed)

I cut my finger with a box cutter and it sucks typing

Tax season sucks

I'm going into the cookie making business

My first 2 orders are this weekend

They're for my bff who I made a trade with

I make my niece cookies and she gives me an Old Navy gift card

I already spent my gift card

My boss has an order in for St. Patrick's Day

I'm overcharging him

The redneck parade down my road is this weekend

I'm going to watch

And laugh at lots of people

I've been working 6 days a week

I'm tired and can't catch up with my sleep

A weenie dog wakes me up at 3 in the morning when hubby gets out of bed

I told hubby to take him with him when he gets up

If he doesn't listen tonight, I will stab him

Hubby, not the dog

He's just a dog for Pete's sake

Hubby is an ass because he can eat cookies at 3 in the morning EVERY.NIGHT. and not gain a pound

Speedy is doing his best in school

He must be able to read 50 words a minute by May in order to graduate 1st grade

That's a bunch of bullshit

I couldn't read at that age and look how great I turned out

Scratch that last statement

A cute client just came in and I didn't stutter or blush

Thanks Lexapro

We're teaching Speedy to ride his bike

We suck as teachers

He fell off and skint his knee

I made him get back on

He hated me for a few minutes

He loves me again though :)

He still can't ride his bike

I can't do pushups

We're even

I ordered a new bed and sofa

I spent my tax refund before it even went in the bank

The sofa probably won't fit through my front door

I'm screwed

I might be taking apart my new sofa

Or tearing a hole in the wall

My new bed cost a fortune

But it's like laying on a cloud

I'll never tell a soul how much I paid for it

EVER so don't ask

Just know that Lexapro was involved in my decision making

I've gotta get back to work

I don't want to

Did I mention I hate tax season...

I Stand Alone In A House Of Wieners

2011-02-16T09:07:00.003-06:00

Things at my house are pretty weird for me. I've been overthrown and now surrounded by males. I no longer have any girl dogs to help with the estrogen in the place. Nope. It's me and wieners.

And you know what? Well besides bitching about the toilet seat being up and questioning their aim (can you NOT see where the hell you're pee is going??) I'm loving it. I'm the queen bitch around there and I have final say.

Hubby is already pissed because Speedy says I'm the boss of the house. And guess what, I AM.

This picture is my background on my computer at work. And everytime I look at it, I can't help but smile.

I love my son with my whole being and always will. But that little weenie dog has sure won over my heart.

Maybe it's because of all the loss we've had with our dogs. We had to put our beloved 10 year old weenie dog Emmie to sleep in August. Then last month we had to give away Tinkerbell.

I'm guessing I just put all my love onto Flapjack and so did hubby. We love that little dog like MAD. He makes us laugh everyday and is just such a great little guy.

He still pisses me off though when he sleeps in my hair but I guess he feels comfy there.

(photo courtesy of Speedy at 6 in the morning)

So I might be overrun by testosterone in the house but I wouldn't have it any other way.

My Name Is Tiffany...And I Am A Book Whore

2011-02-08T09:24:00.002-06:00

I've told y'all before that I have a thing for books. Always been a bookworm and always will be.

And I can't just get books at the library, noooo I must OWN them <---said with a deep menacing voice.

So I need your help. Tell me some really awesome books that I MUST read.

I've started a list and so far I have:

Water For Elephants
The Hourglass Door (and sequel)

Tell me some super awesome books y'all have read recently that I MUST read. Go!

Gone Fishing

2011-02-02T08:31:00.003-06:00

A couple of weekends ago, I went to my parents house and Speedy and my dad decided to go fishing in the pond.

Now this is a stocked pond with Brim and Catfish and my dad feeds them everyday. That being said, they're fat, spoiled fish. They'll pretty much hit at anything that drops on the water.

So my dad would put a piece of regular ole white bread on the hook and Speedy would pull them in. And man did they rack up on some fish.

Ignore my childs snaggle teeth. He just had 6 teeth pulled.

Here he is posing with a fish. My dad then tried to shove it in his face for a real kiss.

After catching and releasing all those fish, I told my dad that I wanted to come the following weekend and catch some for my inlaws. (I HATE fish so none for me.)

Well my dad being the great grandpa that he is, decided we were gonna have a fishing rodeo for Speedy and my nephew. So this past weekend we had the rodeo. And I was elected photographer. Although I caught a bunch of fish along the way too.

Speedy was teamed up with my dad, my nephew was with my brother, hubby was doing his own thing trying to catch a catfish, and me, my mom, my grandma and my aunt all fished for Brim.

Here are the boys with their very first fish. And yes it was in the upper 60's in January. We DO live in Louisiana ya know.

My dad even took old trophies and made them into fishing trophies. Of course the boys both won 1st place, while my aunt got 3rd. (Speedy broke his not 2 miles down the road.)

And here is a picture of hubby cleaning the fish. A few minutes later, he almost cut his finger off with the filet knife. I then had to try to stop the bleeding. I'm an awesome wife like that.

We had a fun time. Of course today the weather is in the 30's and the wind almost scalped me when I walked outside this morning.

That's the joys of living in Louisiana. You can wear a Tshirt one day and the next you're in a coat. Gee I wonder why people are always getting sick.

I'll Call You A Hooker But In A Good Way

2011-01-28T08:42:00.003-06:00

Last night I met my very first blogger in person. I had dinner with the wonderful Paige of Malfunction Junction.

I made my best friend drive me to New Orleans to meet her and have dinner. I don't drive in the city because there are TOO many one way streets. And TOO many people. I'm from the country so I'm out of place there.

Well my bff is driving and I'm texting Paige that we're on the right side of her hotel and of course stupid auto-correct tells her we're in a grey campy instead of Camry. There is no place to park so we're at a red light and then Paige walks out the front door and we're yelling at her to run and jump in. It looked like we were picking up a hooker or something (Paige you would be considered a high class hooker though. K?). All the while assholes behind us are honking since the light turned green. That's a nice way to meet somebody huh?

Well we finally get to our restaurant. We picked out a good ole Louisiana restaurant with yummy seafood. I asked Paige what she was getting and she said chicken. Chicken? Turns out she hates seafood. Again I'm so super awesome at planning things huh?

Well our food was great (even Paige liked her chicken) and we laughed and told stories about stupid shit. Overall I had a fun time. I'm not so sure about Paige though since she was eating with two country ass goofballs.

I NEVER go to the city so this was an adventure for me as well. And my bff was pointing out spots where people had gotten shot over the past few days. (I don't watch the news)

And on our way back to drop Paige at her hotel, we were pointing out some good restaurants to eat at. And we passed a great po boy place and we told her what a po boy was. I cannot believe it but she REFUSED to believe a roast beef po boy would be any good. Y'all! ... Y'all! I couldn't believe my ears!

A roast beef po boy is made with special bread and has roast beef slices and the gravy from the meat on top. It is freaking AWESOME! It's not a soggy mess like you would think. The bread is different from hoagie bread so it's not a gooey mess. It's just fucking awesome!

And she wouldn't believe me for the world. I was shocked! I mean one thing I DO know is food. Trust me!

So overall I had a fun time meeting a super nice person. I hope you fun as well Paige. And that you try a roast beef po boy.

P.S. We totally forgot to take a damn picture. Oh well.

He's My Special Guy

2011-01-25T08:30:00.000-06:00

Well, we gave Tink over to the bulldog rescue last Wednesday. Things are lonely around the house without her, but I know it was for the best. She's gonna be going to a new home in the New York or New Jersey area. I hope they love her as much as we did.

And since we were sad, I'm so glad we have Flapjack because he really is a "special" guy. I swear I don't think he's all there in the head. And that's ok with me because he does some really dumb stuff that makes us all laugh.

Here are some pictures from a while ago. I have more that Speedy took while I was SLEEPING but I'll have to post them another day.

Here is Speedy and Flap just hanging out. Best buddies those two are.

Hint: One of them fell asleep

Hint: One of them hates their picture to be taken because the flash "blinds" them. The other one loves the camera. Guess who is who.

Hint: Someone is this picture doesn't have a stitch of makeup on and the other has a 25 foot long nose and will sleep anywhere. OK so both will sleep anywhere.

Hint: Somebody in this picture threw a fit about me putting this picture on facebook. BUT, he didn't say anything about my bloooooog.

Oh and here is one of my fingerless gloves I made. I personally don't like it with the thumb piece. I'll make some more and see what y'all think.

After looking at all the pictures y'all are probably saying that Flapjack looks so sweet. Sure he's cute but why does he nose dive off of the sofa? Or jump in the bathtub? He's special that's why. And I love him just the same.

Dogs Are Gonna Be The End Of Me

2011-01-18T08:26:00.003-06:00

I'm very sad today because we are going to have to give our beloved bulldog Tinkerbell away. We took her to the vet yesterday because she's been having eye problems. It seems she needs a super expensive eye surgery and we just can't afford it.

And this won't be a first surgery for her. She's already had 3 eye surgeries over the years. As well as having her tail removed because of issues.

We've tried our best to make her happy and healthy but we just can't do it anymore. And this makes me so sad.

Last night we contacted a bulldog rescue group in Texas and the lady agreed to take her and get her eye fixed up and then adopt her out. I pray that she gets a great home with a loving family.

And although I'm gonna be heartbroken and miss her terribly, I worry about how SHE'S gonna feel. And that's what upsets me the most.

I'm worried she will feel abandoned and scared and wondering what happened to us. And that brings me to tears.

We have to take her on Monday to meetup halfway with the rescue group. And I know she'll be in great hands because this is what they do. They help dogs in this situation. I just worry that she won't adjust to the new environment. And that she will miss us. This is just so hard.

Please wish her a safe journey and that she will find the right family who loves her as much as we do.

My Boobs Were Not Harmed In The Making Of This Post

2011-01-14T08:39:00.004-06:00

The other day my co-worker went to do bookkeeping for one of our clients, who just so happens to own a Mardi Gras store. She came back with a little gift for me. What do you think?

I think they're pretty cool. And totally me. (And I didn't even have to flash my knockers to get them. Not that I would do that since I'm a local. I have a garbage bag full of beads in the garage. I don't need to flash to get them. That's what the tourists are for.)

In other news involving blood, Speedy has to get 4 teeth pulled today. It seems he has gigantic beaver teeth and a small jaw. The orthodontist said his baby teeth are blocking his adult teeth from coming in. And man if y'all could have seen his x-ray. It looked like a cross between Predator and Alien up in that kids mouth.

The doc is gonna pull 4 baby teeth today and hopefully his adult teeth will be able to come through. If so, he won't need braces until he's about 12 or so. *fingers crossed*

These teeth will be numbers 7-10 that the tooth fairy will be paying for. 10 teeth already and he's only 7! The tooth fairy is about broke... and sometimes forgets to wake up and do their job...

On the way to school this morning I told Speedy that my birthday was next month. He asked me how old I was gonna be and I said dun dun duuuun 30! He then said "Oh that's not old momma. It's not like you're 76! THAT'S old!". Thanks for making me feel better child. Now don't forget it in a few years when you DO tell me I'm old.

In news that DOES make me sound old, I'm trying to crochet fingerless gloves. I can't read patterns unless they're super simple so this is a bit tricky for me. I made one glove last night and mid glove I decided I didn't like the stitch so I switched it up.

I need to modify some stuff but once I get it the way I like it, I'll show y'all. And maybe do a giveaway or something. I'm sure y'all will be lining up for that one huh?

I'm sure glad this post didn't make me seem like an old lady.

Stop Breathing In My Ear Creeper

2011-01-10T08:52:00.003-06:00

OK so my weenie in the hair dilemma wasn't so bad this weekend. I kept pushing him out of my hair and after about a billion times, he got the hint.

Only thing is, I woke up this morning to him sleeping NEXT to my head and breathing in my ear. And not just puppy breathing but creepy stalker phone call guy breathing. If I dream about stalkers I'll know the reason.

And the other night he kept squirming around in the bed and wouldn't settle down so we locked him out of our room with the baby gate. He barked for about 5 minutes and then hubby went and got him. I swear once he put him in the bed he didn't move an inch the whole night. I guess we freaked him out and he thought we'd kicked him out the bed for good.

In non dog related news, I still haven't taken down my Christmas lights. It wouldn't be so bad except that I didn't unplug them either so they still come on every night. I've NEVER left my lights up this long. The problem is, it's dark when I get home from work and every weekend it has either rained or been super cold. Oh well I'll get them down eventually.

In other news that doesn't really matter, I watched a bunch of Netflix movies yesterday. Have y'all ever seen the movie Rosemary's Baby? What a dumbass movie!

I wasted my time watching that and some movie on the Salem Witch Trials. Turns out, some stupid ass bitches caused all that commotion. A few young girls lied and said some woman were witches when they were all innocent. That movie pissed me off. I hate liars and things that aren't right.

And then I watched The Outsiders since I'd never seen that before either. It was OK. My bff says I should read the book.

And to top all of that off, I watched an old favorite of mine, Harry and the Hendersons. I love that movie. I even named my dog "Little Bob" from that movie when I was a kid.

It's funny how all the movies I watched as a kid do NOTHING for Speedy. He liked this movie but would not watch Monster Squad for anything. I guess he's not a horror fan yet. YET

And some of the movies I watched as a kid really surprise me as I watch them now. My mom sure let me watch a bunch of shit. Horror movies and movies with sexual tones to them. Of course I didn't understand any of it then but it surprises me with how much she let me see.

I guess my mom was pretty cool except that my curfew was 10:30 even when I was 18!!!

I Keep Waking Up With A Weenie In My Hair

2011-01-07T09:13:00.002-06:00

That title sure got your attention didn't it you pervs!

OK so Flapjack is settling in at the ole Sticks household. He's definitely a little shit stirrer though. He'll start a fight with Tinker and then act all innocent. They're getting along better but every once in a while they'll fight over a toy or something.

We've also learned that he is a thief. He'll be walking along all cute and then SNAP he's running away with something in his mouth. He totally snatched Speedy's homework out of my hand the other night. And he steals Speedy's toys and runs with them. We cannot leave anything on the floor.

But to top it all off, he chewed the strap off of my expensive shoes. Chewed as in he has a hacksaw in his mouth. I had to throw them away since there was no way to fix the damage. Little bastard.

I think the worst thing is our sleeping arrangements. He likes to wiggle and squirm and he usually sleeps right between me and hubby. Talk about a cock blocker.

And sleeping between us is fine but he doesn't STAY there. I'll get woken up at like 1:00 in the morning with Flapjack in my HAIR. Not just near my hair but IN IT. Feet all wrapped in my tresses and a snoring snout right in my ear. Who can sleep with that?

Or he'll walk around and step on my hair and pull it. I don't like having my hair pulled thank you very much. And least of all by a weenie dog.

I haven't slept well in a week. But tonight things are gonna change. Every time he gets in my hair I'm moving him. I don't care if it takes me a hundred times. He is NOT gonna sleep in my hair hogging my pillow.

And good god y'all do NOT want to see what my hair looks like in the morning. It's like he's up there knitting in it all night. I wonder if I could teach him to braid...

Meet Flapjack aka Big Weenie

2010-12-30T08:49:00.002-06:00

Yesterday hubby surprised me in a big way. He bought me a weenie dog. (Ever since Emmie passed away, we've been talking about getting a weenie dog one day.) And not just any weenie dog but the biggest weenie I've EVER seen.

He is a standard size dachshund, which means he's like 3 foot long and about 25 pounds. And he is the sweetest little dog ever.

He was some kind of a rescue but I'm not clear on the details because hubby sucks at relaying messages and paying attention when people are telling him things. He is 10 months old and his birthday was February 29th. He's a leapyear pup.

We decided to name him Flapjack. OK me and Speedy decided on that since hubby wanted to name him Stan Bernard after hearing that was the name of my first Cabbage Patch Doll. (He thought that name was funny but I didn't name my doll. He came with adoption papers and a name so I was stuck with stupid Stan Bernard. And I was NOT gonna have a dog named that.)

He is just such a loveable little guy. Licking and laying in your lap wanting love. Here I am with him in all my fatass glory. Ignore that I'm in my jammies. I had just got home from work and the first thing I do is put on the jams.

He likes to lay up high on the back of the sofa. This totally pisses Tinkerbell off since she can't get up there.

And speaking of Tink, she is PISSED OFF. She hates him and tries biting at him. He's so mellow he doesn't really care. I'm sure over time they will become buddies but right now Tink wishes him dead.

And it doesn't help that he whined last night and ended up sleeping in our bed. If looks could kill, Tink would have him in ashes by now. The lady we bought him from used to let him sleep in the bed with her so he's spoiled rotten.

And there's nothing like having a giant wet nose poke you in the face to wake you up. Or wet noses in other places either.

I just know that he's a sweet boy and loves to be around people and cuddle. He sat on the bath mat this morning while I took a shower. I kept seeing a big nose poking the shower curtain. And then he heard Speedy waking up and sat by the gate waiting for him.

And Speedy absolutely loves him. Who wouldn't love a cuddlebug?

Christmas = Crackhead Kids

2010-12-22T08:38:00.002-06:00

I can't wait for Christmas to get here. Not because I'm wanting presents or anything, but I just want my kid to calm the hell down. He's hyped out of his mind!

When I went to deliver the cookies to his teacher, they were having Polar Express Day at school. All the kids got to wear their jammies, yea my kid was rocking the Hefner look with his robe, and they were gonna have activities to do all day.

You should have heard the chaos in those hallways. Kids screaming and hopping all around. I visited my friend who is a teacher as well and she asked if I wanted to stay and help with the kids. Um NOT! I got the hell out of there as soon as I could.

And school is now officially out for Christmas break. So what does my kid do on his first morning of vacation? His little ass gets up at 7 in the morning while I'm getting ready for work. And I even let him stay up late last night watching TV. Why won't he get up that early when he has school?

It's because Christmas is right around the corner. He's so pumped up about Santa that he can't think of anything else.

When I was a kid we always got to open a present on Christmas Eve. I've been bribing him with that so he'll be good this week. That bribe isn't working too well.

Even though he's acting like a crackhead, it sure makes the excitement of Christmas fun. I can only imagine what he will say on Christmas morning. I'll be videoing him since one year he opened a toy and yelled "oh shit". Good times people, good times.

She Eats Glue But What's New

2010-12-19T23:48:00.004-06:00

Well yesterday I made the cookies for Speedy's teacher. It took me HOURS to make those cookies. I think they came out OK for being a first timer. Here they are in all their glory.

The hardest part was making the icing all different colors. Oh and not having enough tips to go on icing bags, which made me have to ice all of one color then switch off the tip to another bag. That's why some of these look all jacked up.

My favorite has to be the snowman. I think he is super cute.

Oh and the dragonfly too. I made that one for my best friend since she is a dragonfly freak. I also gave her the cookie cutter since I'm a great friend and all.

And of COURSE I had to make Speedy a monster truck cookie. He thought it looked good but really wanted me to write the trucks name on it. I told him Momma ain't that good with an icing bag. And when he ate it, his whole mouth and all his teeth turned black. Yum!

I hope the teacher likes them. I should have added more almond extract to the icing because it tasted too sugary. So to make up for that, I made a batch of pralines to go with the cookies. At least half of the gift tastes super awesome.

I also put up my Christmas tree this weekend. I really didn't feel like putting a shitload of ornaments on it so I just put all Speedy's baby ornaments and some that he made up on the tree.

I'm not naming any names, but someone in the picture below ate an ornament not 10 minutes after I decorated the tree.

Now all the "edible" cinnamon, glue and applesauce ornaments are at the top of the tree. Yea my tree looks great right now. NOT!

And Speedy isn't helping either since he moves the ornaments around every day. I have a fourth of a tree decorated, but by tomorrow it may be decorated on a totally different side.

Merry Christmas!

P.S. Cinnamon, applesauce and glue do not kill dogs. Just in case you wanted to know.

Who DOESN'T Love Bright Feathers In Their Hair?

2010-12-15T18:39:00.002-06:00

Speedy took some money with him to school today so he could buy some Christmas presents for people. And I was "lucky" enough to receive one of those presents.

He got me this VERY colorful feathered hair clip.

He told me I looked beautiful with it in my hair.

Of course this melted my heart. He's such a sweet and thoughtful boy.

He also bought his best friend some candy and bf's mom (who's a teacher at the school) an ornament. And then he bought himself a rubber ducky.

He keeps asking me if I like my clip. I told him "Of course I like it. YOU gave it to me."

I guess he has the Christmas spirit too. Although I'm wondering if he might be color blind.

Santa Farted On Me And Blew Snot In My Face

2010-12-14T20:34:00.003-06:00

While out shopping the other day, I came upon the dog costumes for Christmas. I just KNEW I had to buy Tinkerbell a Santa costume.

The problem with Tink is, she's large and in charge. I got the biggest size I could find and doubted it would go around her. I was correct because that bastard was nowhere near buttoning. I had to cut slits in the leg holes just to get her in it. She was so pissed at me but I ran to get the camera anyway.

The thing is, when Tink is pissed at you, you're not gonna get a good shot of her. She turns at the last minute or walks away. She's awesome at screwing up pictures. Here are a few that weren't too terrible.

Here's the costume in full.

And I only got her to sit still here because I had the treats. Like she needs those. (Just ignore the ton of monster trucks lined up. I swear there are trucks in every room of this house.)

While out of town today, we stopped by the Cracker Barrel to eat. I love that place. And while browsing through the store section I came upon something I had never seen before. A stuffed animal that was a possum.

Have you ever seen that before? Since I hadn't, I bought it for Speedy.

Now this bastard is as ugly as a real possum. And I know what those look like. We used to catch them when I was a kid. They used to kill the chickens so we'd set live traps. It's just a little cage that when they walk in, they trigger the gate to shut behind them.

One time we caught one that looked like it had worms coming out it's stomach. Turns out, she had babies in her pouch. Possums are marsupials and have a pouch like a kangaroo. I held the little babies and let them cling to my shirt. They were ugly as sin but that was a once in a lifetime experience.

Anyway, Speedy loves his possum. We named him Pete the Possum and Speedy has been taking him everywhere with him. He's sleeping with him as I type this.

Here's a picture of the two of them hanging out.

Notice how Speedy wrapped the tail around his neck. He is SO my kid.

After I took the pics of Tink, I went to take her costume off of me and she farted on me. Then she snorted and blew snot in my face. She knows how to get you back. Man does she know.

And to finish things off, here's a picture of me "sleeping" at Bass Pro. Me and my bff were tired of walking around so we just sat down in some comfy recliners and took goofy pictures of each other. Who cares if people thought we were insane. Those chairs were COMFY.

Staypuff Karate Chop

2010-12-14T06:12:00.002-06:00

I'm posting super early today. Why? Because I've gotta go out of town for work today and had to wake up at the buttcrack of dawn. I usually don't get up this early unless I'm going fishing.

We've gotta drive about 2 and a half hours directly into Cajun country. Hopefully we'll get some good food to eat while we're there.

We're going to one of our clients office to help get their inventory and books straight. It's gonna be in the warehouse part of the building so I'm bringing my stay puff marshmallow coat and hat and scarf. I might not freeze with all that stuff but I'm NOT gonna be looking very stylish. Stylish smylish. I wanna stay warm.

And I'm finally getting to meet one of the guys at that company who I always talk to on the phone about billing and stuff. His name is Carl. And I AM gonna make him hold a hammer just so I can say "Whatcha doin with that hammer Carl". (That's from the movie Slingblade. If you haven't seen it you are missing out.)

Well I better go get into my winter gear. I hope I don't need to make any sudden moves because I really can't move in my coat. Hopefully we don't get robbed. I won't be able to drop down some karate moves.

Not that I know karate. But still, I'd like to think I had a chance to determine that.

I Have Big Dreams But They Usually Suck

2010-12-13T08:49:00.002-06:00

I don't know if y'all read Pioneer Woman's blog or not, but if you like to cook and laugh then you should. She's a pretty funny writer and she has great good ole down home food.

And the other day she had a post on making Christmas cookies. She had a specialist come in and teach the ways of decorating.

Well after reading that post, I decided I was gonna make cookies and decorate them like a mofo pro!

So I ordered up a bunch of supplies from the website she listed and am waiting on them to come in the mail. (They were pretty reasonably priced too.)

She has a recipe on how to make royal icing and flood icing. Flood icing goes in the middle of the cookie once you do your outline. Now this has disaster potential for me.

As soon as I get my supplies in, I'm gonna do a test run and see how sucky I am at decorating cookies. Am I really dreaming that I'll have beautiful cookies to give to Speedy's teacher for Christmas? Probably so. If all else fails I can make some awesome fudge and candy to send her.

While in Hobby Lobby the other day, I was browsing even MORE cookie cutters. It's a sickness really. I have so many damn cookie cutters but I just can't help myself. And my mom feeds my addiction too by always buying me some.

Well I haven't been to Hobby Lobby before, since our store JUST opened a few weeks ago. Y'all, I was in HEAVEN.

I saw so much shit I wanted. Pretty ribbon to tie my cookies with, cute little bags to put them in, and the holy grail...YARN.

Ever since I've become obsessed with crocheting hats, I've been looking online for ideas to copy. I saw some cute hats with buckles on them and then some with buttons.

Do you know how many buttons I bought? Too many to say without embarrassing myself.

And the yarn? Oh sweet baby jesus the YARN. They had this special yarn that isn't fuzzy like the regular stuff. It's like super soft little rope. Of course it's specially for babies so they only had pastel colors but I did find some in chocolate brown.

So I made myself a hat out of that and made a little section above the brim and put my buttons on it. It is SOOO cute. I won't tell you how long it took me to make the special section with the buttons. (You would totally think I was a nerdy grandma. And I can't have y'all thinking less of me.)

I'll have to take a picture of it to show y'all. It looks like I bought it somewhere. And if my main accomplishment in life is making damn hats, then that's ok with me.

But I would really like to be an awesome cookie decorator too. Do you hear that Santa?

Just Call Me Grandma, Not really

2010-12-09T08:31:00.002-06:00

While I was on my exciting vacation in the amazing location of NOWHERE, I decided to go searching around on youtube. I found some videos that show you how to crochet.

My Mother-in-law (who is the same age as my Maw Maw since hubby was an accident. Woops!) taught me how to crochet when we first got married. I've crocheted countless numbers of blankets and surprisingly kept none for myself. What? Yarn is itchy and bothers me. I'm very happy snuggling with my pink Snuggie.

And yes I DO have a snuggie. Laugh all you want. That bastard keeps me warm. And I even bought Speedy a Spongebob version. Now what?

Anyway back to my story. I hate wearing beanies, or as I grew up calling them, Sock Hats, because they squish my head and make my head look fat. What? They do!

So I found a video to make a hat with a brim. Awesome! No more fat squishy head.

And I MADE that hat. It took me until 1 in the morning to finish it, since I had to stay up late and wait til everybody went to sleep so I could concentrate. You try counting stitches while a 7 year old wrestles with the bulldog while cartoons are blaring in the background.

I finished the hat and went to try it on and guess what. I LOVE it! It's cute and comfy. Usually things I make turn out shitty but this one came out like it was supposed to. AND I didn't have fat head! I might look like a little boy but dammit I am a skinny head boy. Yay!

Well once Speedy saw it, he HAD to have one. And of COURSE he wanted his in 2 different colors. And after modifying the pattern for his little head and finding out his head isn't THAT little and redoing my modifications, his hat was done. Now, my lines where the colors meet are out of whack but his hat turned out cute.

He looks like a skateboarder or something. I'll have to take a picture to show y'all.

Well last night I made myself ANOTHER hat. This one out of multicolored yarn. It's kinda ugly but I like it.

I am so addicted to making these damn things. I feel like a grandma crocheting all the time. I guess now I just need some rocking chairs on the front porch. And if I can get hubby to widdle some wood we'll be awesome.

P.S. Here's the video if you want to make a hat of your own.

My Husband Isn't TOO Bad

2010-12-08T08:28:00.002-06:00

Since I quit blogging while on vacation, I didn't get to tell y'all about what happened on Black Friday. (Unless you follow me on facebook)

Now I hate being around people. I really get nervous and am just not a people person. (Thanks to my gyno though, since she put me on some meds to help with that. Thanks Lexapro!) Anyway, ever since the Black Friday of '94, I haven't been to a sale since.

*flashback*

My mom had just had her hysterectomy (glad I told you that huh?) and she was on bed rest. I had been taking care of her and she REALLY wanted some stuff that was on sale Black Friday.

My dad who hates people more than I do (No he HATES being around people. He goes shopping at Walmart at 2 in the morning. For real.). Well my dad told my mom he would take me and we would get the stuff she wanted. He had no idea what he was in for.

Now back then the 101 Dalmatians movie had just come out. No not the cartoon version, but the version with the real dogs in it. And man did I want a dalmatian puppy. BAD.

So K-mart had one of those specials where the first 100 people in the store got a 101 Dalmatians gift kit. So I told my dad we were going there 1st because I really wanted that.

Also note that my dad gets places before they even open. He likes to be early for sure. Well we pull up in Kmart an hour before they open and there's already a line. This was our first inclination that things would be different while shopping that day.

I remember my dad saying "What the hell are all these people doing here so early". Oh daddy. You have NO idea.

I would like to say for the record that I DID get that Dalmatian kit thank you very much.

Then we hit up Walmart and the place was CRAZY! My dad looked at me and said "Let's get the rest of this shit and get the hell out of here." So that's what we did. And I've never been the same.

Also note that I did NOT get a Dalmatian puppy for Christmas. But I DID get a Catahoula puppy which had some spots on her and she turned out to be one of the best dogs ever. Thanks daddy! (Since I had helped my mom so much after her surgery my grinch of a dad went and bought my puppy Lizzy and surprised me with her. He even had the lady put a red ribbon around her neck. One of my favorite memories.)

*back to present day*

So since I hated shopping back in '94, I just don't do it anymore. Now I WILL go online and order shit. And that's what I had planned to do this year.

I set my alarm for 4:45 so I could get up and buy my dream, a stand up Kitchenaid mixer. I had wanted one of these forever but they are so damn expensive. Well my boss had just given me my Christmas bonus so I decided to buy it for myself since me and hubby don't exchange gifts.

Well I drag my sleepy ass to the computer and go online and... Out of Stock!

Evidently this year Walmart let people go online and buy way before 5:00. I was SO mad. I stomped back to bed and hubby asked me what was wrong. And I told him about how my mixer was out of stock and I couldn't get it. I angrily tossed and turned but finally fell back asleep.

Well I woke up and hubby was gone (like usual. He can't stay his ass home to save his life. He's a rambler just like his dad. I figured he was at the local gas station drinking coffee talking to all the other old farts who gather there.)

So I hop online and find my mixer online at Amazon. It's a little more expensive than Walmart but dammit I WILL get my mixer. So I ordered it.

Not 15 minutes later hubby walks in holding my mixer. He had gone to Walmart in the cold and rain and fought the crazies to get me my mixer.

Then I jumped online to cancel my order. Whew just in time.

So yes I finally have my glorious mixer. I've only used it once so far but it is great. I plan to use it alot soon since I always bake a lot of cookies and candy for Christmas.

Now, hubby didn't buy me a puppy, but I will always remember the story of him getting my mixer. I guess I'll keep him around.

I Can Dodge Wooden Blocks. Can You?

2010-12-06T09:43:00.004-06:00

I'm baaaaccckkkk!!

Hey remember when I said I was back to blogging and I kept posting like almost every day? And y'all were like FINALLY she got off her ass and started blogging again.

And then I stopped.

For like a week.

Well I have an explanation. I was on vacation. Woo Hoo!

Except I didn't actually go anywhere. Instead I stayed home and slept til noon every ~~day~~ once in a while. And I read books. And I played on Facebook. And I ordered extremely too much shit off the internet.

I swear those sale emails get me every time. Stop emailing me stores!

The only good thing that came of any of that was that I found some perfume I like that doesn't make me sneeze (Kat Von D "Saint". Oh shut up! I can't help it if I love all her Sephora stuff that comes in awesome tattooed up containers. I have some lip gloss and eye shadow too. So what if I don't wear eye shadow. I'm wearing it today bitches!) And also I ordered my kid WAY too much shit from Santa.

He's 7 and everything he sees on TV he wants. I did have to tell him that he was NOT ordering anything I had to put together. Like lego kits and shit. I totally put my foot down.

And then totally FAILED because he REALLY wanted that Lincoln Log Train set. Damn you Lincoln Logs!!

And you know what? We already HAVE a billion Lincoln Logs. My feet know this since I always step on one of the bastards in the middle of the night. I swear when we go to bed the floor is clean. Then when I get up in the dark they're mysteriously scattered throughout the floor and I have to hop and skip my way through the obstacle course.

I can't wait to see my floor Christmas morning. Oh wait, I'll be seeing it up close since I'm a sucker and will be laying on the floor building shit for my kid.

Damn you will power and internet! Damn you!

Ahhhh Warm And Toasty

2010-11-18T08:40:00.002-06:00

Guess what I'm wearing today. Yep, my super comfy ~~slippers~~ shoes. Here's a picture.

Aren't they cute? No? Well they are so comfy so shit on it. And don't you love how my pants are all wrinkled? Yea I dress like a bum when it's not tax season. I can't dress fancy all the time. (No matter what my boss wishes.)

Now if I get so comfortable at work today I fall asleep, I'm blaming it on the shoes.

Do You Haaave Any Tea

2010-11-17T08:36:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I went shoe shopping during my lunch hour. I found some awesome cute boots and some really comfy shoes that look like slippers but are really shoes.

I bought them, but I worry about wearing them because what if people think I'm wearing slippers? I see enough trashy people around here wearing REAL slippers to the grocery store. I don't want to be one of them.

But damn they are so COMFY. They look like little grey moccasins with little bows on them. And they have "fur" inside which keeps my tootsies so warm. Decisions decisions.

Anyway, on my way up front to pay, I saw they had lots of hats for sale. I'm a hat freak. I love me some hats. AND they had matching scarves to go with the hats so of COURSE I had to buy a set.

I also have this thing about scarves too. I love them! Of course we rarely get cold enough in Louisiana to actually NEED a scarf but I will wear them none the less.

Well I got home last night and put my stuff on the sofa and I turn around and see Speedy all decked out in my hat and scarf. He even went and put his glasses on. You know, so he could look proper and all.

He looked like a little English boy so of course I made a video. Note: He doesn't know what it means to "talk English". Silly boy!

We'll have to work on his accents if he's ever gonna be a great prank caller. Just sayin.

He's A Dancer But His Music Tastes Are Questionable

2010-11-15T08:49:00.002-06:00

I've blogged before about Speedy and his love for dancing. I love to dance too but I totally suck at it. Does that stop me? Well yes it does EXCEPT when I'm in the comfort of my own home.

I recently bought the new Just Dance 2 Wii game. I loved the first one and I love this one even more. There are way more songs on it and more games to play.

Speedy also loves it BUT the songs he picks are kinda weird. He fell in love with this Russian song that I've never heard before. After hearing it a million times, it's started to grow on me. Here's a video of him dancing.

Don't even ask to see a video of ME dancing. That will NEVER happen.

My mom's birthday was yesterday and as usual Speedy helped me pick out her card. He loves those singing cards and will listen to every one in the store if I let him.

He picked out one with cats on it and the song was Conga. You know that Gloria Estefan song. This made me question his music tastes but after seeing him dance in the store, I knew he just wanted to dance.

What can I say? The boys got rhythm. I just hope when he gets older he still wants to dance and isn't embarrassed to do so. You know girls love a guy that can dance.

P.S. I know my laugh sounds like Betty Rubble so you don't have to tell me that. Thanks!

P.P.S. Speedy would totally kick my ass in Zumba class. Just sayin.

I'm So Much Smarter Than My 12 Year Old Self

2010-11-11T08:19:00.002-06:00

A while back I was reading the Bloggess' blog and she was talking about hunting down books she read as a child so that her daughter could read them when she's older. And that got me to thinking about the books I read as a child.

First off I have to say I was a bookworm. I would buy a new book and stay in my room all day reading it until it was finished. I easily get sucked into a good story and lose track of time.

Back in the day I was a huge R.L. Stine/Fear Street book reader. I would go shopping with my mom at Walmart (that's all we had back then to buy books at) and I would rush to the book section to see if any new books had come in.

I LOVED Fear Street books. Guess why. Oh because they involve murder and scary stuff like ghosts and all. Go figure huh?

So after thinking of all those great memories of reading, I went to eBay to see if anybody had any of those old books for sale. They did. A lot of books.

So I did what any normal person would do and started bidding my ass off trying to win giant lots of books. So far I've won 2 auctions. And that is a total of 31 books I now have sitting on my sofa.

The past 2 nights I've read a book. And I see I am SO much smarter than my 12 year old self because I can totally figure out who the killers are.

I love reading the books even if they are teen books from the early 90's. And I doubt my son will ever want to read them but I've got them just in case. OK so that's a lie. I didn't even think of him when I bought the books. I saw the book covers and they brought back old memories.

Had I not been stupid when I got married, not that getting married was stupid at 19, OK well kinda but I wouldn't change it, I wouldn't have told my mom to get rid of all my books. I was so young and thought "I don't need these stupid teen books. I'm a married woman now." Dumb dumb dumb.

One day I dream of having a built in bookcase that I can stuff with all kinds of awesome books. I'm a book whore. I MUST own books. It's a sickness really. Kinda like me and all of my shoes. Hey at least I'm not snorting cocaine. Right?

So I'm trying to stay away from eBay now. Well at least until I read all the books I have. I will NOT stop until I have all my childhood books. Well except for Sweet Valley Twins and Friends. I think a 29 year old reading those books would look really weird. Pervy weird. So I will just continue with my horror novels.

What books did you love reading when you were younger?

P.S. If you have a secret stash of Fear Street books send them to me. Just do it!

My Thoughts While Driving

2010-11-10T09:11:00.002-06:00

Do you know what I think about when I'm driving to and from work each day? Not that the drive takes forever (35 minutes if I'm lucky. I live in the woods y'all.).

Nope I'm thinking about where all the dead skunks are located. Why is that you wonder? Well because I have to hurry up and close my outside vents so my car doesn't smell like stinking ass skunk for miles down the road.

If you haven't been around skunks and their smell well then consider yourself lucky. I live by the woods so skunks are always spraying near our house. I can't tell you how many times I've woken up to skunk stink.

I think I'm kinda getting used to it. Well as much as someone can I suppose. It's just really annoying.

And you know what else is annoying? Driving home in the dark now that the time has changed. I almost plowed over a possum last night. And I always worry that a deer is gonna jump out in front of me too.

I'm not the slowest driver so if I ever hit a deer I'm screwed. Hopefully Bambi stays in the woods so I don't ever have that problem. I mean why the hell would he be near the road anyway? That's where all the skunks hang out.

So when y'all are driving home and are complaining about the slow poke in front of you, shut your pie hole because you don't have skunks or suicidal animals to worry about.

Did I mention I live in the sticks?

My Brother Still Aggravates Me

2010-11-09T08:05:00.000-06:00

I think I stopped blogging in October because I had to get ready for Speedy's birthday party and Halloween and a tax deadline. It was a VERY busy month. And hopefully I can continue to blog now.

Speedy had a great time at his 7th birthday party. My baby is 7!!! I can't believe it.

He wanted a Spacewalk for his party so I ordered one and the lady said she would call me the day before. Well I never heard from her so I called her. She said she'd been trying to call me for a week but she somehow got my number screwed up. Then she said she was going out of town in 30 minutes so I had to get hubby to run over there and get the Spacewalk.

Since she was going out of town she said we could keep it for the whole week. AND she took off the delivery charge so that was a total score. We jumped in that thing til we were plum sick of it.

Now I didn't say to wear costumes to the party this year since I figured the kids would get hot while jumping. Well my nephew threw a fit and had to wear his costume. Then Speedy wanted to wear a costume, so I got him a cape and my brother took football tape for under eyes and made him a mustache.

Here is my villain and my nephew "Mario".

Speedy HAD to have a Monster Truck cookie cake so this is what we got. It looks like crap but tasted great. haha

Here I am trying to block the wind from blowing out the candle.

Pretty much every toy he got was Star Wars related. As I've said in the past, I HATE Star Wars. My brother used to watch it nonstop when I was little and would never let me watch MY movie. All I wanted was to watch the Disney cartoon Robin Hood. Was that too much to ask?

So I have a hatred for all things Star Wars except the Ewoks. They were cool. And I liked Jaba the Hut too.

So of course my brother knows how I can't stand it and he bought Speedy all kinds of SW crap. And every time he would open a SW present my brother would yell, "Look Tiffany! Star Wars!! Yea! Awesome job Speedy!!". He was just trying to annoy me.

So now we have in our household a Clone Trooper helmet, 2 light sabers, multiple action figures and ships, a talking clone, and a light saber nightlight. Well the nightlight is pretty cool since it changes colors but stepping on teeny tiny guns for action figures isn't so great in the middle of the night.

I'm thinking of giving my nephew marbles and legos for Christmas. And the most loud and annoying toy I can find. Maybe drums? Muhahahaha my brother has no idea.

I Have To Feed Your Slimy Ass Bugs?

2010-11-07T21:50:00.000-06:00

Last year for Speedy's birthday, my Aunt bought him a frog habitat where he can raise tadpoles into frogs. Well I never followed through and actually ordered the tadpoles so the thing has been sitting on my desk in my room for a year.

Well Speedy saw it the other day and has been hounding me to order the damn tadpoles. So yesterday I ordered him 2. We should get them in the mail pretty soon.

Then I went on to read about how to raise them once they turn into frogs. Umm I have to feed them live bugs. Yea I should have read the manual before I ordered the bastards.

It says you have to feed them live crickets that are only 1/4 inch in size. So it's not like I can run to the bait store and buy some since those would be too big. Hopefully Petsmart sells them or else we're screwed. Unless I can "catch my own" like the manual says. WTF? I can't catch bugs.

Then it says that the frogs live for about 5 years and to NOT release them into the wild because they will die since they don't know how to fend for themselves.

Well.... we will see if these bastards survive and how long I decide to keep them. I don't know about gross ole frogs living with me for 5 years. And if they keep me up at night we will have a problem.

I'm sure Speedy will love watching them grow. I'll keep y'all posted on the progress. And if you see me advertising free pet frogs on Facebook, you'll know why.

Always read before you have live animals mailed to you. That's my new policy.

Halloween Post - So What If It's Late

2010-11-05T08:51:00.004-05:00

OK so my Halloween post is really late but like they say "Better late than never". Right? RIGHT!

First up, this year I had to wear 4 different costumes to 4 different events. I COULD have repeated a costume but that's not in my nature.

For the Friday before Halloween, I dressed up for work like I do every year. And since I didn't want to have a lot of makeup on all day, I decided to be a cat. I know. TOTALLY not my style but I tried to be cute for once instead of scary. Cute just doesn't work for me as you can see in the picture below. I can't help myself.

And after work that day, me and bff's fam were all going to the local Block Party in town. So I painted my face up like a Day of the Dead girl. This was me after cuz I didn't get a before pic. (Ignore my crooked spiderweb on my head. I painted my face really fast in the bathroom at work)

And here are some pics at the Block Party itself. This is my bff's hubby and Speedy. (Speedy got poked in the eye at school 2 days before and got a cut on his cornea so I had to be careful with the masks and stuff he wore. Otherwise I would have had him painted up awesome.)

Now here is a pic of MY family. Me as the "scared" person and hubby as Bigfoot. Do you know how many people stopped hubby to get a picture with him? And this drunk lady went and got him some beer so he was pretty happy about that. Of course he had to sample the local beer as well.

I took Speedy trick or treating since the store owners and people showing off their old cars were handing out candy. And every time I would look back, hubby was talking to somebody or having his picture taken. Finally I just left him and me and Speedy loaded up on candy.

Saturday night was Speedy's best friends birthday party. It's always a costume party so I just pulled a costume idea out of my ass. I grabbed my pink wig and my cutesy cupcake apron and went as "Miss Cupcake". Everybody liked it, so whatever. Maybe I CAN do cute.

And I FINALLY found a use for my 1998 face glitter I kept from high school. (You can't see it in the pic but I was glittered up) Who says to throw out old makeup? Not me!

Speedy went as a Clone Trooper. And the whole party was pretty much Star Wars dominated. (Note: Thanks to my brother torturing me growing up, I HATE Star Wars)

Can you tell his costume was from last year? High Waters much?

And then it was on to the big day. Halloween!

Speedy was of course, Jason Voorhees.

I was his Camp Crystal Lake Counselor. The only pictures I have are some my dad took since my hubby is camera stupid and can't take a decent picture to save his ass.

I had so much fun spraying blood on our clothes.

Note to self: Test out new blood you buy before you put it all over your neck. The skin on your neck will thank you since it hates to be ripped off.

So there you have it. Halloween all wrapped up. Now I just have to blog about Speedy's birthday party and how my brother bought him EVERYTHING Star Wars. Just wait til I buy my nephews Christmas present. PAYBACK.

It's Like Science But FUN

2010-11-04T10:45:00.002-05:00

Yea yea you haven't heard from me in forever. AND I never posted Halloween stuff. Blah blah. I've been busy... and lazy so sue me.

Anyway the real reason I am here is because I need friends. No not in real life, although I really only have 1 friend but that's because I'm picky. And all of you that get me, live too far away.

No I started playing this awesome app on my iPhone called Pocket Frogs. You raise frogs and you get requests for certain breeds and you have to figure out what 2 frogs to breed in order to have that species. It's pretty much like science. Or not.

Anyway I am totally addicted to this game. I want to breed the best frogs, that I can sell for the most money. So y'all go download the app (It's FREE) and add me as a friend. My name is... wait for it... TwiTiff. Yea go figure.

Hopefully I will post some pictures and crap that I've been doing pretty soon. I'm been blog reading but didn't feel like posting anything. You know how that goes. I'm back now... for who knows how long.

Trick Photography Is EASY

2010-09-28T08:54:00.002-05:00

I was loading pictures off my camera the other day and started laughing when I saw these. This pic was taken while we were eating and I glanced over at hubby and saw something under his arm. I HAD to take a pic of Tink licking her fat chops.

(Remember when I told you hubby loves bigfoot? See that shirt I bought him. He wears it CONSTANTLY.)

Next up are pics of Speedy and Tink. I was trying to get a good one so I could use it as wallpaper on my computer at work. Easier said than done, so I had treats to make Tink sit still, which only made her creep closer and closer to the camera.

Have y'all ever gotten emails with giant dogs or gators and you know it's fake and only looks like that because one object is closer than the background? Well here is proof of how easy that is to do. I present to you "Tink the Great".

She looks like she's the size of a small pony. Or a bull mastiff. Nope she's still a little fatty but just super close to the camera.

Now the next picture is my favorite. She's still pretty close to the camera so she looks like she has a big ass head.

Speedy was holding on for all he was worth because she WANTED those treats. He was laughing so hard trying to hold fatso and I thought the picture came out great. Even in all his snaggletooth glory.

I swear that boy's new teeth are gigantic. I can't wait to see how his school pictures came out. Hmm mass murderer or Sandy the squirrel. The suspense is killing me.

My Kid And His Bloody Knife

2010-09-23T08:41:00.003-05:00

There are alot of pictures like this on my ice box right now.

Speedy has been drawing this picture a bunch but it's totally okay. Even though he does have that killer mugshot picture from kindergarten, he's just really excited about Halloween. AS WE ALL SHOULD BE!!!

You see, we went shopping at the local Halloween store and he found his costume for this year. Ever since my brother dressed as Jason for Speedy's party last year, he's talked about being Jason Voorhees for Halloween.

As luck would have it, they make a childrens Jason mask. Once Speedy put that thing on, he was dead set on being him this year. And once I found him a bloody machete, he was a super happy kid. (MY kid totally)

Look at the joy on this little face.

Oh you can't tell he's happy since he's holding a bloody machete? Well he was. Trust me.

And I tried to talk hubby into getting the original Jason Voorhees pillowcase mask (when Mrs. Voorhees was the killer) but he wouldn't do it. As a horror movie fan, I was in love with the idea of hubby being the original killer while Speedy would be the newer version. I guess that's just me and my weirdness.

While me and Speedy were ~~in heaven~~ looking at the cool stuff, hubby was off trying on his own costume. There is something you should know about hubby. He loves Bigfoot. No not the monster truck but the mythical creature.

Hubby's brother is obsessed with him and if that man ever sees a real bigfoot, he will fall out dead on the spot. I think that's why hubby likes it so much. His big bad brother is scared to death, so of course hubby would love it. Who doesn't love scaring the shit out of their brother?

So me and Speedy go looking for hubby and this is what we find.

I don't know what's up with all the hand signs he keeps throwing up. He's a tad too tall (over 6 foot) so I'm gonna have to find him some brown socks to wear to cover up the gap at his ankles.

Now I've made him swear he won't try to scare his brother with the costume. Sure I would love to see him scared shitless, but he has access to many guns and I don't want hubby to die. We DO live in the country y'all.

I still haven't decided what I'm gonna be for Halloween. Maybe a murder victim of Speedys? I don't know yet.

My bff asked me the other day if I ever had a "happy" Halloween costume since I'm always scary. Hmmm maybe when I was 8 or 9, but after that, it was all down hill.

Who wants to dress happy or friendly on Halloween? NOT ME!

How Long Is Football Season?

2010-09-10T09:42:00.002-05:00

The Saints had their first football game last night. I know everybody around here is on the Saints Bandwagon or "ate up with it" like we say. Everyone except me.

Sure I hope they do well this season but I'm not what you would call a superfan. I mean we're not talking about Twilight here.

Ever since winning the Superbowl last year, EVERYTHING around his is Saints this and good god the fleur de lis is EVERYWHERE!! I'm already tired of it all and the season is just starting.

I went on facebook last night and my whole freaking home page was "Who Dat?" and "Two Dat" and "Geaux Saints". I mean I like them and all but everybody around here has lost their fucking minds.

Thank goodness my husband is weird and always has to be opposite so he doesn't have the Saints fever. I wouldn't be able to stand it if he did. He DOES however have the Patriots fever.

Now I just have to make it through the season. It's funny how people jump on board when a team is winning but all the years when they were losing, nobody rooted for them. I could care less either way. I'm an awesome fan like that.

That Faceless Guy Was Hott

2010-08-31T12:28:00.003-05:00

I had a dream this morning which either happened in the 9 minutes between me hitting the snooze button a few times (6 times to be exact. What?), or I remembered my dream at that time. Either way, the only time I can remember dreams is when my alarm clock wakes me up. To say I am a deep sleeper is an understatement.

Well I woke up this morning and remembered my dream. I was being tattooed by this really attractive guy and he was flirting terribly with me. I just sat there smiling at him and felt great. I woke up happy but then realized he didn't really have a face. Not like he was headless but I couldn't see his face but I TOTALLY knew he was hott. How does that work?

Anyway, it made me have a great morning. I sometimes dream about people in my life and even if they're not my favorite person, if I like them in my dream, I seem to try to like them better in person. Does that make sense? Maybe it's just the happy feeling in the dream that makes me want to try. I don't know, maybe I'm whacked out. Shut up.

In other non related news, y'all HAVE to watch this new TV show on the History channel called Swamp People. It's about people in Louisiana who hunt alligators for a living. It might not be for everybody since you see dead gators but I just love this show. And I'm the child of a hunter so seeing dead animals started when I was young.

My favorite is a guy named Troy who has a major cajun accent (we have clients at work who talk like that and I love to hear them). If you've seen the cartoon The Frog Princess, then Troy sounds like the cajun lightening bug. He seems like a great guy who really loves his family. Very down to earth.

There's also another guy named Bruce who hunts with his dog in the boat. And he gives the dog little cakes as treats. (The same cakes that Speedy eats. Can you imagine what Tinkerbell would look like if I fed her cake? Geez) He owns an alligator farm that I remember going to as a child. And he hunts on the lake that we go fishing in. It's really cool to see how these guys do their job.

The show comes on Sundays at 9:00 central on the history channel. I'm sure there are reruns so check it out.

I wish I could get paid for blogging about things I like. Hell all I want are some McDonald's coupons. Ya hear that Ronald?

R.I.P. My Sweet Pup

2010-08-25T09:18:00.003-05:00

I haven't blogged about this yet because I've been too upset to do so. We had to put our sweet weenie dog Emmie to sleep a week ago. And I'm heartbroken.

I came home from work one day and she wouldn't get up. I took her outside to potty and she couldn't use her back legs. She couldn't stand on them at all and kept falling over.

Well I worried about her all night and took her to the vet as soon as they opened. I had a bad feeling about it and was upset the whole way there.

We go in the back, our regular vet isn't there yet so we see his daughter who is fresh out of vet school. She said it looked bad and the only thing to do would be back surgery. And that cost over $3,000. First off we don't have that kind of money and second, Emmie is almost 10 years old. I wouldn't make her have surgery to begin with at her age. Who knows how she would recover.

So me the hardass that I am, breaks down crying in front of doc and her assistant. Now I am NOT a cryer. I can count on one hand how many times my hubby has seen me cry in our 9 years of being married. But I couldn't control myself. New doc sure as hell doesn't know how to deal with emotional people yet. Thank goodness the little assistant was there because she kept patting my arm and talking to me.

Finally our regular vet walks in and he too pats me on the shoulder. He said he would keep Em for a few days and try "unconventional methods" to try and help her. I went in to work but kept breaking down and crying so my boss let me leave. I went home and cried my eyes out all day.

I know some people don't understand but she was my baby from day 1. She was there when I couldn't get pregnant. She put up with me dressing her up and wouldn't hurt a fly. Now a squirrel is a different story because she loved to chase them. She once caught one by the tail but when he whipped around at her she let him go. So she's been there through it all.

I also made her a homemade witch costume one year and she won 1st place in a pet contest. She was so cute and everyone loved her.

Well the vet kept her for a few days and then said he'd done all he could do. So he sent her home with us on Friday and after seeing her for a few minutes, I knew there wasn't anything I could do. She still couldn't walk or get around. I don't want to see her suffer so we decided we would have her put to sleep the next day.

I held her and loved on her until it was time to go. I couldn't possibly go with her to the vet because I couldn't even look at her without crying. Hubby took her for me and was there with her the whole time. He said the vet just gave her a shot and she fell asleep and started snoring. Then she just passed on once he gave her the rest of the shots.

Hubby said that was the hardest thing he's ever had to do. And he was heartbroken too. I'm just glad she had him with her at the end and wasn't alone.

It feels so empty at home without her. I keep looking over at her blanket expecting to see her. Even Tinkerbell is missing her.

I've had a lot of dogs in my lifetime but I can honestly say she was the best dog I ever had. So sweet and loving. Speedy could do anything to her and she would never hurt him. She might bark for me to come rescue her but she would never harm him.

I remember putting her in the pocket of my overalls when she was a puppy. She was so small. And all you would see was a little head sticking out.

I'm gonna miss you Emmie. Lots! And so is the rest of the family.

You sure were one HOT DOG!
R.I.P. My sweet little angel.

I know this post was all over the place but it's pretty hard to write when the subject is so upsetting.

I love you Emmie! Until we meet again...

My Calf Almost Ran Away - You Know, The One On My LEG

2010-08-19T08:26:00.003-05:00

Last night I went in a gym for the first time in my life. Crazy huh? Not that I went in a gym but that people actually like to do that sort of thing.

Me, my bff, and her cousin (who is in her 40's and looks freaking awesome with her bean pole self) went to take a Zumba class. Zumba you ask? It's a latin dancing/exercise class aka shake the shit out of your hips. You may have seen it advertised on TV. Yea it's harder than you think.

Bff's cousin goes twice a week to classes and asked us to come with her to see if we liked it. Note: Me and bff are NOT bean poles. In fact we're not even 3 bean poles lined up in a row.

So we agreed to go. And how do you think I would prepare for the first exercise class I've ever taken in my life? If you answered eat a candy bar 2 hours before then you would be correct. Note: I'm not a bean pole for a reason.

So we get to the gym and I'm already nervous. I see all these people working out and suddenly feel so self conscience. I suck it up along with a bunch of oxygen because our class is UPSTAIRS. Yea I'm already winded taking the stairs and I haven't even got a glimpse of the room.

We make it and sit on a bench waiting for the previous class to end. They were doing some sort of circuit training. Maybe? Where they kept switching stations. And then the bitch next to me comments that it doesn't look too bad. She might take that class too. That's when I turn to my bff and give her the look that we don't belong here and Susie Q next to me is batshit crazy.

Our teacher finally gets there (the SUB teacher since the regular one couldn't make it) and I look at bff's cousin and even SHE looks nervous. Oh shit.

So teach says we're gonna get warmed up. OK I can do that. 5 minutes later my calves are on fire and I'm dying. I seriously thought at that point I wouldn't make it a full hour and would really have to sit out.

My legs were shaking and felt like jello. And I had a pain so bad in my calves that I thought they were on fire. I looked at bff and she gave me the oh shit look.

I kept trying though and I kinda shuffled when they rest of the class (all bean poles. ALL.OF.THEM) did kicks and jumps and shit. I probably looked like a fish out of water flopping around but I didn't stop.

Eventually my legs calmed down and I was able to jump again. And I tried my damnedest to keep up but I found out that my legs and arms don't like to work at the same time. I would get the leg movements down and then when I tried to get my arms right, my legs would screw up. I felt like I was on Dancing With the Stars and my partner was yelling "What is wrong with you? Why can't you get this routine down". I thought I could dance OK before, but that was just a lie my brain kept telling me. I am uncoordinated and clumsy.

The teacher kept saying if you can't do this move just do this. And she was talking directly to ME.

And when we were supposed to turn around and dance in a circle, I just stood still because if I can't dance right standing still there's no way in hell I can dance in a circle.

I kept at it though and before I knew it the hour was over. Me and bff did an awesome high five while the class just looked at us.

I was just happy I survived. And man did I sweat. But I felt good about myself.

Then we had to walk down the stairs again. My legs were numb so I just grabbed onto the hand rail. The teacher walked with us and said we did great for our first class. I think she was just happy we didn't pass out on her.

While I was still on my workout high I think I agreed to go back again next week. I've got a whole week to recover so maybe I can make it. My hips are sore today but not as bad as I thought it would be.

I never thought I would be taking a dance class. And actually make it through the whole hour. I might look like a chicken with it's head cut off, but at least I'm working out. I never said I was gonna enter any dance competitions.

P.S. Did you know hott guys like to go to the gym? They do! Geez you learn something new every day.

Chocolate Bars By The THOUSANDS

2010-08-18T09:03:00.002-05:00

I went to wake up Speedy this morning for school and he opened his eyes and said he had the best dream ever. So I asked him what it was about. And he said "I was eating candy bars and there were THOUSANDS of them. Everywhere I looked I could see them and they were all for me".

Well ~~Willy Wonka~~son, that DOES seem like the best dream ever. I wish I could have thousands of candy bars too. Only in my dream, I would be super skinny and not gain a pound after eating so much chocolate. And I would be surrounded by hott guys who kept telling me "Eat more. You're so thin you need to gain a few pounds". Now that IS a dream. HA

Microsoft Word - Helping People With Tattoos

2010-08-13T09:22:00.002-05:00

I finally went last night and got my wrist tattoo. Thanks for the design Microsoft Word!

I think it is very pretty. And once it heals it will be even better since typing and using my mouse right now are pretty painful.

Me and hubby just up and went last night to get tattoos. He got the Harley Davidson symbol on his upper arm. Don't ask. And I got mine.

And my tattoo artist was HOTT!!! I've never been to him before but he did a great job. And guess what? He loves horror movies too! We chatted it up (I had a xanax on my way there) and he was really nice.

He has this really cool set of eyes on his forearm that the artist doing hubby's tattoo did for him. They looked kinda monsterlike and he said that girls keep dumping him and that's the look they always give him. He said girls don't seem to want to date him. ~~Oh poor baby come here and let me make everything better~~ Well that sucks for him.

I think I'll go back to him and let him do my foot once I get some money saved up. Now I'm off to "try" to do some work and not hurt my wrist.

I've had some really sad stuff happen this week but I can't write about it yet. It still hurts too much. I'll post about it soon though.

Dreams Are Just Like Calendar Reminders

2010-08-06T08:57:00.002-05:00

I don't know about y'all, but when I have something important I have to do, I usually dream about it. Take for example my dream last night. I dreamt that we met Speedy's new 1st grade teacher and she turned out to be this girl I hated from high school. She was snobby and stuck-up and I was so mad that she was his teacher.

Why did I dream that? Well tonight is meet and greet night at school and we find out who Speedy's teacher will be. Why do I dream about stupid shit?

I'm not gonna tell you how many times I've dreamt about it being Halloween and for some god forsaken reason I forgot and didn't dress up. I REALLY dream this shit y'all. My bff thinks I'm insane that I dream about Halloween.

But truthfully, if I ever DO forget it's Halloween y'all can just shoot me okay? I think this stems back to grade school when my mom wouldn't let me wear my costume since she heard it wasn't allowed and I show up at school and EVERYBODY is dressed up. It was horrible!! You hear me? HORRIBLE!!! I scarred myself for life on that day.

So hopefully tonight I will like Speedy's new teacher. And hopefully there aren't too many little bitches in his class. You know how those manipulating, home wrecking 6 year old girls can be. I'm just sayin.

Heavy Breathing Doesn't Always Equal Sexy

2010-07-27T09:06:00.003-05:00

My bff's cousin has been going to take Zumba classes and she got free passes for me and bff to go with her. Zumba is some kind of dance class. I really don't know too much about it but she said it is fun and challenging.

Did I mention said cousin is skinny as a rail and this class kicks her ass? Because I'm NOT skinny as a rail so that means I could go into cardiac arrest. Do I REALLY want to challenge fate like that?

She said there's a 300+ pound lady in the class that has to take breaks sometimes but she keeps on going. I think I'd like to be next to her. She might keep me motivated. Or be on the ready to dial 911 for me.

And last night I saw a friend on facebook had posted about doing a Zumba video and it kicked her ass too. Guess what? She probably weighs 100 pounds soaking wet. Again, not me.

She said I need to come over and try her video with her before I make an ass of myself in class. I might just take her up on that offer. Although I'm bringing Speedy with me to have 911 on speed dial. You can never be too safe.

I've been riding my stationary bike for...wait for it...going on 2 weeks now. I'm pretty proud of myself. I usually ride 4+ miles a day...in 30 minutes. That's like 7 and a half minutes per mile. People can fucking WALK a mile in that time. Obviously not me though.

I remember in high school I had to speed walk (NO RUNNING ALLOWED) a mile in like 6 minutes. And my dickhead coach said that whoever didn't make it would fail. Guess what? I didn't make it. Thankfully he pulled me to the side and said he wouldn't fail me cuz he knew I tried my best.

The whole class had finished and were waiting for me and the asthma girl to finish up. Did I mention this was 10 years ago and about 40 pounds lighter.

Yea I might die soon. I just hope hubby doesn't marry some whore. You KNOW I'll be haunting his ass if he does.

Tattoo Fever

2010-07-16T09:47:00.002-05:00

Ever since I got my last tattoo on my foot, I've been thinking of more that I could get. And since one foot is tatted up, the other looks so empty.

Yesterday hubby called our tattoo guy about setting me up with an appointment. He's out of his supplies and they won't come in til next week so hopefully I can see him then. (He used to work at the tattoo place in town but now he works out of his home. He was the best guy there so I don't blame him for going solo.) He's also the guy who did my foot tattoo and a few for hubby as well.

I want one on my foot as well as on my wrist. I just don't know which one I want first. They are not cheap people.

And I'm not the kind of person to just walk in and pick a design right then and there. I'm very picky and think and think about things. And the design I want on my wrist? Yea I saw it like 2 years ago. And I saw it somewhere you would never guess. As a freaking clipart picture in Microsoft Word.

I was typing up a newsletter at work and went to search for a picture for Valentine's Day (I've got mad skillz as a graphic designer. NOT) and that's when I saw it.

And right then and there I said "Oh that would make a pretty tattoo". I even showed my bff and before I could say anything she said "you want that as a tattoo huh". Yup.

Of course it will be modified and the heart won't look so much like butt cheeks but similar to this design.

At first I wanted it in all white ink since it's going on my wrist and I work for a CPA and old stuffy people wouldn't see it too much. But then I thought, I'd like it a little darker so I'm thinking of getting it in light purple and pink colors. That is, if my tattoo guy will do it in those colors. If so, it will be noticeable, but not as much as if in black ink. I think it will be very pretty.

Next up is my left foot. I was thinking of getting a swirly star design. Kinda like a mix up of these two pictures.

Very girly and swirly. LOL I might act like a tomboy but I love girly tattoos.

Now I just have to decide which one to get first. Or maybe my guy will make me a deal if I get both done. We'll see what he says next week. I can't wait!!

I Could Crawl Through Caramel If Need Be

2010-07-12T09:47:00.003-05:00

Are there any Big Brother fans out there? This season looks like it's gonna be a good one.

Who do you think the Saboture is? I'm thinking maybe one of the blondes. (I don't know all their names yet.) The cop woman has me suspicious because she freaking quit the food challenge. I mean come on. My fat ass could make it out of the caramel if my team depended on it.

And then young blondie fell and "hurt her knee" in the first HOH competition and then she sure seemed fine and dandy once told she didn't have to compete.

I'm suspicious of everyone so far though. I don't really have a favorite yet. I know who I'm starting to hate though. LOL

And there is an app for iPhones that posts spoilers and keeps you up to date with what's going on in the house. It's called Pocket Big Brother and it's free. Go get it!

Now leave me some comments with your suspicions.

Man do I love Big Brother!!

I Need Suggestions

2010-07-06T09:08:00.002-05:00

I signed up for Netflix a few weeks ago since they had an offer going on for one month free. And since I have WiFi at home, I can instantly watch movies on my Wii, which is super awesome.

I've been watching LOTS of movies on my Wii. And I need your help with some suggestions.

For some reason I absolutely love old movies. Well I really love the 1920's and want to dress like that for Halloween but back to my point. What are some classic movies I should watch?

I'm currently watching A Streetcar Named Desire. I love the old movies and find it funny how the actors were so young and in shape back then. (Weren't we all?)

I've only seen a few oldies like Gone With the Wind and Rebel Without a Cause (James Dean yum yum!) and of course Psycho but then again of course I've seen that one.

I have in my list to watch One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and Cool Hand Luke (love me some young Newman).

So what are some great classics I MUST see? Help help!!

It Was The BEST

2010-07-01T08:47:00.002-05:00

Yesterday one of my blog readers messaged me on facebook asking if I had died since I haven't blogged in so long (Hi Melissa!). And I wanted to let y'all know I am alive and well. Just lazy. And there's only one thing that can bring me out of my coma...Twilight.

Yes readers I went yesterday to see the newest Twilight movie, Eclipse. Of course in order to go to the 1:00 showing I had to beg my boss to let me and my bff off work. Luckily he always gives in when I ask nicely.

So off we go, me, my bff and my niece (her daughter). Technically my niece is still a teen since she's 18 so I didn't feel so out of place.

We went and ate lunch first and embarrassed the shit out of my niece. My bff was telling me how she scored some Diflucan pills WITH refills. With refills y'all!! That's like winning the lottery. And if you don't know what Diflucan is ~~you fucking lucky ass bitch~~ well it's for yeast infections. Yes I just went there. You see once I hit my 20's EVERY.SINGLE.TIME I take any kind of antibiotic, I need those pills. That is pure torture people.

My bff just started having the same problems when she got really sick a while back. I guess your body reacts to the antibiotics differently throughout your life.

So she's telling me about her awesome script score and my niece kept asking what pills we were talking about. Finally, as I've got a mouthful of pizza, my bff tells her LOUDLY, "It's for your coochie". And y'all I about choked on my pizza. My niece turned bright red and I got the giggles so bad I could hardly breathe. I thought my bff would be a little more subtle but I guess not. I laughed and laughed while my niece pouted and tried to ignore us.

After that, we went to the store to stock up on candy. I mean come on movie theatre. Why does your candy cost so much? I totally acted like my mom by storing all our shit in my purse.

Since the theatre added more viewings of Eclipse, unknown to me, we walked right into our show and there were only 3 people in there. Of course we were an hour early but hey, this beat all our other times of waiting in line and almost getting kicked out for a slight scuffle.

It was great just sitting there in the quiet theatre...until about 30 minutes later when some loud ass broads sat by me and wouldn't shut their pie holes. They were in their 40's and giggled at shit that wasn't even funny. At one point during the movie my bff leaned over and said she didn't think they had read the books. I'm guessing not, when they totally thought Bella was gonna pick Jacob. Amateurs!

So the movie starts and I must say, the guy who plays Riley can really pull of the being in pain emotion. Unlike Kristin Stewart in the first film, when bit just made weird eyes and rolled around. Boy can act hurt yo.

We move on to lovey dovey Edward and Bella. Then there are killings in Seattle. Cue Cullen clan. Jasper has a ugly ass wig on that sucks, and Emmett looks weird. I hate the new contacts they wear. You know the alien look from New Moon. I liked the Twilight eyes better since the Cullens are SUPPOSED to be normal looking to fit in with the humans in society.

The movie shows you Jasper and Rosalie's past. I really liked when Rosalie talked about her past. You get where she's coming from. And I also laughed when Jasper talked because all of a sudden he has a southern accent.

KStew didn't blink as much this movie so that's an improvement. She had a wig on too that looked kinda whack. But I did notice when they were on the mountain (tent scene! WooHoo!!) that after snuggling with Jacob through the night because it was so cold, she walks out the next morning with NO jacket or coat. I even pointed that out when I said "Where the hell is her jacket if it's so freaking cold". Maybe that's the mom in me. Hmm.

The wolves looked better this time around and the fight scenes were awesome. BUT I missed the original Victoria (Rachelle). She seemed more badass than Bryce.

My bff kept covering her eyes when they would rip apart the vamps but it wasn't bloody or anything. They just looked like they were tearing up rocks.

Taylor played a great Jacob in this movie. Cocky and arrogant like in the books. Leah was also a bitch so she got her character right on the money.

Rob still played sad, depressed Edward, although he did smile a little and when he did his whole face lit up. I think he plays Edward a little too emo and Edward in the books wasn't all sad and depressed. Sure he didn't want Bella to become a vamp but he wasn't all pitiful and mournful. He was happy she was alive and with him.

Some people hate Rob as Edward and he annoys me sometimes but like I said, when he smiles, it makes me smile. I can't wait to see the wedding in the next movie. He better be fucking happy and smiley then.

Jane and the Volturi were as creepy as ever. I so want some red contacts for Halloween. Just sayin.

Overall I loved the movie. I thought it had lots of action. Of course when I see it again, I will probably hate half the things I loved this time around. Now who should I take with me to see it next? Hmmm

Louisiana, My Home, Even Though It's Hot As Hell

2010-06-13T23:17:00.004-05:00

I was off work Friday because my family wanted to go walk around the trails at the state park. I took some pictures to show y'all because, well just because.

Now I know it's only June but y'all it was SO freaking hot that I was sweating like I had been running a marathon. And it was only 7 something in the morning.

7 you ask? Oh yea. My dad is an early bird person and I am NOT. So getting to the park at 7:00 in the morning was not my idea of fun. I think if we had gone later I might have died.

First up is the lake. This is the shore on Lake Pontchartrain that we used to go crabbing on. It was fun wading out in the water and trying to scoop crabs. There was even an alligator out there one time but he didn't bother us so it was cool. I miss doing that because it was so fun.

And here is Speedy playing in the water. He loved throwing rocks and anything else he could find, into the water. Boys.

This is the little gazebo building that was built recently. It's pretty cool and lets you walk out over the lake. I saw a few crabs in the water when I was walking out there.

Here is a picture of the shore. Hurricane Katrina tore down a good bit of trees so the cypress trees are pretty bare.

Now we begin the nature walk aka HELL. I swear once we got 100 foot from the beach, it was like a sauna. Hot humid air that makes you sweat your ass off.

I don't know why but I really like this picture. Hubby was waiting for me while I snapped a picture. (And my bitching finally paid off because he shaved that shit off his face yesterday. No beard=Yay!)

Here are Speedy and my nephew hanging out in this giant oak tree.

Once you make it through the woods, there is a boardwalk that is built right on the marsh. It's really cool except you just have to dodge the raccoon poo since they like to run on the walkway at night and eat crawfish out the water.

Here is a picture that I like of the grass. I love how the wind blows it in all different directions. And according to my dad, you can lay it flat and walk on it even though it's growing right in the water. He does that when he goes hunting in the swamp. There is nothing but water out there even though it's so grassy looking.

Here is a wildflower that was growing in the grass. (I took all these pics with my little ole Nikon Coolpix camera while my dad had his big ole fancy Nikon camera. And although he can zoom right in on stuff, my pic of this flower was just as good as his. Take that big fancy camera!)

My dad DID take this picture though. This is a wild hibiscus (I think) and it was about 15 foot away and he zoomed in.

Here is Speedy and my nephew playing around with the binocular things.

We walked the trail and sweated our asses off. Then we went and sat down and had a picnic. At 8:30 in the morning!!

I didn't care though. I drank 2 bottles of water and had a sandwich. Screw this heat! I'll take the A/C.

After that we went to the little museum and I learned about how the park used to be a sugar mill plantation. I loved looking at the old pictures. I can't even imagine how all the slaves and workers managed to work in this heat. It's a wonder they didn't die of heat strokes.

So we had a pretty good time even though it was hot as hell. I WON'T be going back anytime soon though. I'll just stay inside and read in my beautiful air conditioning. I mean who REALLY wants to sweat? Not me.

My Family, Some Indian, Cowboy And A Little Bar Mixed In Too

2010-06-11T07:06:00.000-05:00

My brother posted some pics on his facebook page the other day of some of my grandparents. I thought the pictures were really cool so I thought I'd share them with you.

First up is my mother's grandparents. Also the only known picture of them. My great-grandma was full blood Choctaw Indian and according to my brother (who knows) my great-grandpas was German.

I love how everybody in old pictures look so pissed off. And although I'd never seen this picture before, I loved that they are standing next to their donkey. How cute is that?

Next up is my dad's grandpa. I never got to meet him but my Dad says he was just like MY Paw Paw who I talked about buying me all my animals growing up. This picture was from the early 1900's.

I love this picture because he looks like a total badass. He's the man in the front with the evidently light blue eyes. I'm guessing they were in a bar. And it's so funny to see him and think he looks mean but if he was anything like Paw Paw he was a sweetheart.

And next is MY Paw Paw. He's the one on the right. Supposedly my uncle is in this picture but I can't really see.

My grandpa used to tell me stories about riding horses everywhere since they didn't have a car. And I think it's funny that he has his hat tipped sideways a bit.
And finally is a pic of my grandpa and Godmother/Aunt, who passed away recently. And what's so funny about this pic is those cool kids off to the right. I asked my brother who that fashionable girl was in the two-toned shorts (Me). He said he couldn't tell because he was looking at the cool boy is those awesome shorts (Him). LOL

I'm gonna have to scrounge up some more old pictures from my family. I think it is so cool to see how people looked in the olden days.

Teenage Girls Will Love Me

2010-06-10T08:56:00.002-05:00

This past weekend I went to get my hair cut and highlighted. I didn't do anything drastic with the color but I was so aggravated with my hair that I told her to cut it pretty short. And it is.

I like it that it's super easy and fast to fix but I kinda look the lady from the Sound of Music. Kinda. Maybe a little more boyish.

Well while blow-drying my hair this morning I realized I also look like another star...Justin Bieber. I even took a picture to show you.

I know I look pretty wacked out but it was early. And just ignore that I'm in my bra.

But don't you think I sorta have his hair? Here's a pic of him if you don't know who he is (and if you don't then consider yourself lucky)

Oh yea Biebs I've totally got your style down. Although mine has more volume and it's a little wild but I could totally have your look if I wanted to. You just remember that. OK?

I would post a pic of what my hair looks like "fixed" but I really don't want y'all to know that I really DO look like a little boy. Oh well it's just hair. It will grow out...eventually.

M Is For MONEY

2010-06-08T08:42:00.002-05:00

Yesterday Speedy went to the dentist for his regular checkup and came home with 4 less teeth than when he went in there. Hubby said he had girls all around him. One rubbing his hair, one holding his hand, and one talking to him. (I think hubby wants to change dentists.)

All his teeth are getting loose and his adult teeth are making their move to freedom. The only problem is, his baby teeth were so tight (and perfect. He had a absolutely perfect smile. *sniff*) that his adult teeth have no room to come in.

His bottom 2 teeth came through but the teeth next to them made them start to grow crooked. And that's why the dentist pulled those 2 side teeth. I have no doubt that he will need braces when he gets older. I mean the dentist tells me this EVERY SINGLE TIME he goes there.

Last time he had his first 2 bottom teeth pulled. And the wonderful dentist told he him would get double money since she pulled them. Damn dentist. So he thought since he had 4 teeth this time he would get a fortune. I told him the first teeth are always special and that's why he got so much money.

So when he woke up this morning he ran in our room saying the Tooth Fairy left him $7. He was so excited and then I asked if I could count it and I showed him that he really had $30. ($10 was from grandpa so it was OK. I only had to put up $20) Good thing I don't let him do my money management.

Here is snagglepuss in all his toothless glory.

And yes he DOES slur his S's now. I think he sounds adorable. He's my little toothless homelessman/meth head* lookalike. I swear y'all when he opens that mouth it's scary. No joke.

*No offense to homeless people or meth heads.

Yes He Thinks He Can Dance...And I Agree

2010-06-04T08:40:00.002-05:00

Last week me and Speedy went over to my bff's house and she had American Idol on the TV. Well Speedy being the dancer that he is, busted out some moves and we were all dying laughing. That kid can dance. And he knows when to speed up and slow down to the beat of the music.

She whipped out her phone and videoed him dancing. In this one she describes him as a mix between an Irish Jig and Flashdance. I just think he needs a ribbon in his hand when he's waving it around. He's kinda slow in the beginning but then he gets his rhythm.

Now in this one he's got it down. I like to call it interpretive dance.

Hubby taught him some disco moves, you know the pointy finger up and down, but all the rest is self taught. I don't know where he gets it from. But he sure is funny to watch.

Just Call Me Edward Scissorhands

2010-06-03T09:22:00.002-05:00

Did I mention that I gave my kiddo a haircut? I didn't? Well I cut his hair this Sunday and gave him a mohawk. What? He asked for one.

I'm no barber by any means but I can shave a head like a mofo. And trying to shave a straight line on a wiggling 6 year old was tough.

Of course hubby took him to a real barber (WTF? Why didn't he do that in the first place?) and got it trimmed up on top. I think he looks super cute. What do you think?

Well except for that he reminds me of Chuck Liddell. And a skunk. Oh well it will be all grown out by the time school starts. And maybe he can look back one day and say "My mom was pretty cool. She gave me a mohawk when I was only 6 years old".

My mom called me after I sent her a picture and said I ought to be shot for doing that to his hair. She said she guesses a tattoo will be the next thing. Oh mom! I'd never let my kid get a tattoo...but when he turns 18, that's a different story.

I'm the oddball in the family since I color my hair *gasp* (my mom has NEVER colored her hair. EVER) and have some tattoos *gasp*. I haven't told my mom that I'm planning my next tat right now. Or that I secretly want my nose pierced. I don't want her to have a fit.

Oh well. Life is too short to worry about making everybody else happy. I love my tattoos and my ever changing hair color. That's who I am. And now my mohawked kid fits right in.

Bunnies Shouldn't Make You Cry

2010-05-28T08:55:00.004-05:00

Every morning when I go to get in my car, I see this:

He's getting pretty brave around me and doesn't run off anymore. I guess I'm about 20 foot away from him. Speedy named him Mr. Chippy.

My bff is on vacation this week so I've been dog sitting, well going to feed her dogs and playing with them when I get off work in the evenings. And man oh man does she have some rabbits around her house. Me and Speedy counted 5 yesterday when we went over there.

She lives back in the woods and they come out in the open in the evenings to eat some clover. And they are some big ole fat bunnies too. Speedy loves seeing them.

I don't mind rabbits in my yard though. We have about 3 that live by us and I think they are cute. I'm sure I would hate them if I had a garden but I don't. Mainly because my hubby bitches about anything I put in the yard.

At one time I had rose bushes, a Camellia tree and I would plant Calla Lillies and Gardenia's in a little bed. This was back before Speedy and I had time to tend to them. OK so my rose bushes pretty much died on their own. I am NOT my grandmother, who has the greenest thumb in the world and the prettiest pink/orange rose bush ever.

I love that rose bush. In fact, my grandpa bought me a similar one when I first got married because I liked theirs so much. I killed it.

So the only thing in my yard is a plum tree that was from my grandpa's tree. It was just a little sprout that grew under his tree so I dug it up and planted it in our yard. It's about 10 years old now and taller than I am. This is the first year it had made plums. And by made plums, I mean it has 3 on it. And one has already been eaten by bugs.

My grandpa passed away 2 days after I got Speedy. He never got to see him but he did see a picture. He was in the hospital and kept going in and out of it and eventually his organs shut down. At the end he didn't know who anybody was and they put him in a medically induced coma.

When I still lived with my parents, everytime I would come home, I would wave at him since he lived next door and was always on his front porch swing. He would yell "Hey Baby". And the last time I saw him when he was in the hospital, he woke up and knew who I was and said he missed seeing my little hand waving at him. (I'm now starting to cry about this so I hope you're happy readers!!)

Anyway, I'm glad the last time I saw him was a good one. We told each other that we loved the other like we always did and I kissed him bye. And while all this was going on in the hospital, I was going through adoption stuff and meeting Speedy at the fosters parents house for the first time.

That meeting produced the only picture of Speedy that my Paw Paw ever saw. And when he saw that picture, my dad said he had the biggest smile on his face and said when he got out of that damn hospital he was gonna buy Speedy a pony. (Speedy was only 4 weeks old at the time. LOL)

And I'm sure he would have too. He's the one who I got my love of animals from. He bought me my very own pony when I was a little girl. (Who I named Tinkerbell and who Speedy named our bulldog after when I told him the story.) He bought me baby calves, we hatched chickens together, he bought me a pig, he bought me puppies and kittens, he bought me my show heifer, he bought me a bunny, he bought me baby ducks that grew up to follow me since they thought I was their momma, and pretty much any animal I ever had was bought by him. He spoiled me rotten. LOL

So you can pretty much tell I loved my grandpa to pieces. And the only thing I have that was from him is that damn plum tree. And hubby knows if he ever messes up that tree he will have hell to pay.

It's funny how I went from talking about bunnies to being all snot nosed and crying. I guess all animals remind me of my childhood with my Paw Paw. Man would he love to hang around with Speedy if he were here. And there's no telling what animals would be at our house right now.

Adoption, Punching People In The Face, and Babies

2010-05-21T09:20:00.004-05:00

Thank goodness today is Friday. I am so tired and can't wait to sleep in tomorrow. And by sleep in I mean sleep maybe an hour later than normal. You see, my child is an early bird. He can go to bed at midnight and STILL be up at 6 am and NOT take a nap all day and still bounce off the walls. I wish I had his hyped up energy.

And that reminds me. What time do your kids go to bed? I make Speedy go to bed at 9:00 and he gets up around 7ish. He doesn't take naps during the day at school (he must sit there and be quiet while his class naps though.). Man is he gonna love 1st grade since they no longer take naps.

He's getting 10 hours of sleep. Although he has very frequent nightmares so that screws up his sleep. I just see other parents posting that their kids go to bed at 7:00 or so. What do you think?

--------------------------------

I was getting ready to go to work this morning and Speedy told me "Have fun at work". I told him I NEVER have fun at work and he said "Well have a boring day then". I probably will son.

And that also makes me think of what he said the other night. (If you follow me on Facebook you probably read it.) We were grocery shopping and a super cute baby girl was in a buggy in front of us and we were making her laugh with silly faces. (Yea we're THOSE people.) Well that made me wish I had another baby (Hell I wish this every freaking day) and I told hubby that in the car. Well Speedy heard me and said "I would love a baby brother or sister". I told him that I wasn't able to have babies and that's why we adopted him and he said "Well just ask God harder". He's a regular problem solver. haha

Oh how I HAVE asked God for a baby. He just doesn't know. I guess I'm lucky just to have him but I can't help but long for another sweet little baby of my own. *sigh*

Oh and a note to y'all, if you ever find out somebody adopted, do NOT say "Oh you took the easy way out". Trust me, adopting is NOT easy. Imagine worrying your child will be taken from you daily until a judge finally gives you parental rights. Which is usually a year or two down the road. Nothing about adopting is easy.

At least when YOU become pregnant, that baby is yours and yours alone. Nobody is gonna snatch it away from you.

I would love to be in pain and squeeze a giant kid out of my cupcake. You know why, because that is MY child and nobody is taking it or even thinking about taking it from me. I can endure pain or whatever the hell else I need to do.

Just think about all the adoptive parents praying every night "Please let me keep this baby". It ain't easy. I know a few that are doing that right now and I pray for them too.

So don't look down on adoptive parents. They did not by any means take an easy road. And if anybody ever says that to me again, I will punch them in the face.

A New Fence, Floating Head and Graduation

2010-05-19T09:21:00.003-05:00

Well our fence is finally done. And it looks great! Now I don't have to see shithead neighbors anymore. Well I can see a a little bit of their house when I stand on the back porch but thats it.

Here is a straight shot of the fence going down the whole back of our property.

And here is the fence to keep our infamous terrible and mean hound in. That building is the neighbors shed where he keeps his tractor. He has a few acres but decided it was an awesome idea to build his shed right next to our property line. Bastard!

Oh and by the way, I let Tink out and hubby's bff was standing right next to the fence and she ran over to him, sniffed and ran off playing. I guess she just HATES the neighbor. Especially since he yells at her. And me.

He apologized to me Friday night but still kept saying she was a mean, terrible dog. I said OK and walked back inside. He can apologize all he wants, I'm done with those people.

Onto other news, Speedy got his T-ball pictures in. Can I just say that the photographers this year aren't that great. Last years pics were awesome. I can't show you the team picture but only 3 kids are smiling and the rest are making weird or mean faces. Terrible!

I can however show you Speedy's ~~floating head~~ picture. Um if the team colors are solid black, wouldn't you have a different color for the background instead of BLACK?!!

He's white enough as it is, he doesn't need to be surrounded by black.

Oh and on Monday, Speedy had his kindergarten graduation. He was a sight to see when they were singing. I'm gonna have to video my TV with my phone when I watch it again since I can't connect the camera to my computer. Just know that he was the only kid who could not sit still. And he dances to his own rythym. It's hilarious.

Here is a picture of me and him. Ignore my fatness. And my sunburn

I wish I had more arms at these milestones. I'M the video person so that means I can't take pictures at the same time. My mom is a terrible photographer so I'm only left with pictures she takes.

Knowing this I gave hubby my camera and even showed him how to zoom in and out. All you freaking do is zoom in and take the picture. I get home and look at my camera and he took one damn picture. One. And it was blurry. I give up. I'll just have to rely on my mom I guess.

Does anybody know of a good camera that can do good quality video as well as snap pictures? That's what I need.

And since school is out, I'm guessing hubby and Speedy will be doing alot of this while I'm working.

It sucks being the breadwinner in the family.

Weekend Get Here Already

2010-05-14T08:43:00.003-05:00

I was looking at my phone and saw a few pics I took last weekend before the whole neighbor feud started. And I can't wait til all this is over with.

Here I am just chillin and relaxing in my hammock reading a book. The weather in Louisiana isn't TOO hot yet so it's still nice outside.

I'm just relaxing until SOMEBODY decides he wants to lay next to me. Notice how crooked we are.

(Note to self: NEVER EVER take your own picture while laying down. Things will never look good.)

Also when you give your kid ice cream in the car, look back and hand him a napkin every now and then.

And never under any circumstance mess with Lincoln Log Wolverine. He might be in his underwear, but he will mess you UP.

I am SO tired today. Come on 5:00! I'm ready for the weekend!

It's Coming Along

2010-05-13T09:18:00.003-05:00

Our fence is almost halfway done with the framing. It should be finished by this weekend. Hubby is "helping" his friend work on it when said friend gets off work in the evenings.

Hubby really can't do much but hold a board up to be nailed. I even helped when I got home yesterday. I'm a great board holder.

And the funny thing is, shithead neighbor has been MIA. He even moved his tractor away from us where he usually annoys the shit out of us because it's RIGHT by our fence. He also hasn't been outside too much either. I guess he realizes all of this is his fault.

Hubby used to be really good friends with him and, back in the day when he was able to, he used to help cut their grass and help with projects. Well THAT has definitely changed now. Oh well it's his own doing.

Oh and as we were picking up tools and stuff last night, I figured I'd go move the 2 bags of concrete so the night air wouldn't get on them. They looked pretty little until I went to pick one up. 80lbs!! I barely got both bags in the wheelbarrow. Then I could barely push the damn thing on the porch. I was sweating and out of breath like I ran a damn marathon or something. Hubby asked why I was sweating so much and I just pointed at the wheelbarrow. Man am I weak!

Also I sent Speedy with his present for his teacher today and she emailed me saying she loved it. Yay!

Crayon Project AKA Good Way To Suck Up

2010-05-11T08:56:00.002-05:00

I was on facebook the other day and one of my awesome blog readers (who should really start blogging. hint hint) Lindsey, had made a really cute gift for her daughters teacher. I emailed her about it and got all the details on how to make it.

Me and Speedy finished it last night. Here is a pic of our finished product.

I think it came out great except I wish I had put her name a little more to the right. It looks off but screw it.

Another great reader, Amanda, asked me to post directions on how to make it. I owe it all to Lindsey but here goes.

I got a shadow box frame and that red piece of paper is scrapbook paper. The yellow piece is heavy cardstock. Just print out your teachers initial on the cardstock and make it really big. Try out different fonts because some are harder than others.

Just cut your crayons with a sharp knife and hot glue them on the letter. I then hot glued that to the scrapbook paper and added scrapbook stickers. I also used scrapbook stickers to write her name.

Super easy and the kids can help...kinda. I had Speedy pick out crayons that were beat up or had no tip and chopped those up. I mean who wants to color with crayons that aren't pointy? Not this family.

The hardest part was cutting the crayons to size. That's it. Then you just glue and you're done. Easy peasy.

I hope Speedy's teacher likes it. I think it looks pretty cool. But what do I know, I'm not a teacher.

In other news, hubby let the dogs out in the backyard last night to potty and then put them inside. He said he sat on the back porch and watched the neighbor's kid walk from his house straight to our fence and nobody was watching him.

Hubby was telling him to go back to his house when the neighbor ran over freaked that Tink was out. He told hubby "You see how fast he can get away. He's only 2 years old.". Um dumbass he got away because YOU weren't watching him. What a jackass.

Thank god their pool has a fence around it or that poor little boy would be dead from drowning. They just let him wander around. If you know he can get away don't you think you should be more alert and watch him better?

Hubby is on his way to get fence supplies right now. We'll fix this problem one way or another. I'm so ready for things to be normal and peaceful again.

Neighbors Are Assholes

2010-05-10T09:01:00.002-05:00

If you are my friend on facebook then you know I was super pissed off Saturday night. I didn't go into details there but I'll explain here.

Speedy let Tinkerbell out to use the bathroom Saturday evening and he couldn't get her back in so I went out to get here. We have a fenced in backyard and the only time she goes out there is to potty.

She is very territorial and barks at people when she's out there. Well our neighbor behind us is always on a tractor and Tink HATES it. She always barks at him and growls. Well his 2 year old son always wants to go see Tink.

Well I went out to get her and the neighbor starts screaming at me that if she ever bites his son he's gonna kill her and that she's mean and we shouldn't be allowed to keep her and all kinds of bullshit. All the while I'm trying to get Tink in, Speedy is now outside and so is the weenie dog. I'm trying to get all 3 of them inside while he's yelling at me.

And that pissed me the fuck off. I mean I have my dog IN a fence and she's only outside to potty. If he can't watch his kid for 10 minutes TOPS, then something is wrong. I don't want the little guy to get hurt and I don't know what Tink would do, but as a parent, I would watch my kid if I felt he was in danger.

I'm a very laid back person and I HATE confrontation. I told hubby what happened when he got home and that pissed him off too. He called the neighbor yesterday after cooling off some and told the dude to never yell at me again. That is he had a problem tell him not me. Well dickhead said oh you would have done the same thing if it had been you. I tell you what. If MY hubby had yelled at HIS wife it would have been fucking World War III. Shit would have gone down.

Hubby told the guy that either he could put up a fence or we would do it. Neighbor said really quickly that he would do it. Fine by me but if he hasn't started on it by this weekend, I'm putting up a board fence. I don't wanna even see these fuckers again. You're not gonna threaten me or my family(including my pets).

These people are from the city and think they run things around by us. Guess what dude, we've been here a lot fucking longer than you have. Hubby and his parents have lived here all their lives. And it's not like I let my dog wander free. She's in a chain link fenced in yard.

I know Tink is territorial because we have taken her to obedience classes. She is a sweetheart there and people can pet her and she just rolls over for them to scratch her belly. I hate that she thinks she has to protect our area at home but she's our pet. Speedy loves her as much as we do.

Even when people come to visit (which isn't very often), she barks and is standoffish but never hurts anybody. We just put her in her crate if she gets in the way. Most times, she warms up to people and won't get out of their face wanting to be petted. I think she especially hates men but I don't know why.

I just hope this dickhead gets started on the fence. I feel so uncomfortable in my own house. I hate taking Tink out to pee now because I'm sure he'll be watching me.

Me and hubby will be accompanying Tink in the yard from now on. I just don't want to hear this dickheads shit anymore.

Am I being unreasonable about my dog and property? Shouldn't the guy pay attention to his kid if he's so worried instead of just letting him wander around?

Sparkly Like A Vampire

2010-05-06T08:49:00.000-05:00

Last month, hubby decided to take me to the jewelry store in the mall to get me a ring since we will be married 10 years this December. I always told him I wanted a band with diamonds when we hit the 10 year mark. I'm not sure why he decided to get it for me in April but whatever.

It took me forever to pick out what I wanted. I'm very picky and like to take my time when spending lots of money. Weird huh?

Anyway, after annoying the sales guy forever and realizing that my ring is odd to add a band to, I finally picked out a plain band. And I went to pick it up last night since it took them forever to size it.

Don't laugh at my fat fingers. K? It's the bottom band that's new. I figured I'd draw an arrow to show you since I'm helpful like that.

I know it doesn't really "flow" but I didn't want to get a new set since these are the rings I picked out 10 years ago. And they also are sentimental since they were blessed during our wedding. And also that hubby put the wrap on the wrong way at our wedding. hehe

Hubby doesn't wear his ring anymore. He stopped wearing it when he was working since he got it all banged up. That's fine because if any whores look for a ring on his finger, they'll see "Tiffany" tattooed right on top of his wrist. Ring, tattoo, same difference.

He tried to convince me to get a whole new ring setup because I really hate yellow gold. Back in the day, that's all there was. No white gold or platinum back then. I told him that maybe in 10 more years I would get a pretty new WHITE gold ring. If I can put up with his ass for that long.

He's Tone Deaf But He's Got Rythym

2010-05-05T09:04:00.000-05:00

The other day at work I was telling my bff how I hated the new Train song "Hey Soul Sister". It's not that it's a bad song but when you hear it a million times a day, it kind of gets old. I liked it at first but now I hear it EVERYWHERE.

Well as I was watching Dancing With the Stars last night, who do you suppose the guest singer was? Yep Train.

Well it looks like SOMEBODY at my house likes this song.

(It's a little dark at first but it lightens up a little.)

Maybe he's gonna be a dancer when he gets older. Like Maksim Chmerkov.....whatever. You know you couldn't spell his name right either.

He has to sing at his Kindergarten Ceremony with all the other kids. And by hearing him practice in the car last night, he's definitely not gonna be a singer. Maybe he can bust a few moves out. He loves to dance in the stores when he hears music. I heard a lady just a giggling at him in Sears last night when he was doin his thang.

I just hope he's not the loudest kid at the ceremony. Odds are, he will be.

They Are The Champions...My Friends

2010-05-02T23:27:00.003-05:00

Saturday was supposed to be Speedy's final T-ball tournament game. And man ole man were things screwed up!

We got a call Friday night saying that the game was cancelled because the other teams didn't want to play a double header. (The other 2 teams still in the running had to play Saturday morning and whoever won would have to play us since we were undefeated in the tournament.)

OK I get it, but it's been raining nonstop here and everybody just wanted to finish it all up. One of the coaches from the other team said he talked to the umpire and everything was OK and we would NOT be playing Saturday. So our coach called and said we would just practice instead.

Hubby was down at the field watching the other 2 final teams play and he finds out we're playing after all. In 20 minutes!! He ran home and I got all of us dressed in uniforms.

Come to find out, that other coach DID talk to the umpire but the ump told the coach he didn't have authority to cancel the game. Well liar coach told everybody that everything was fine. The ump called our coach (who is over the whole rec center and is in charge) and said NOPE game is still on. So the coaches and wives were scrambling to get in touch with all our players. Thankfully we got all our kids except one little girl. We had kids on the field in no uniforms and rushing to change and it was a mess.

Oh and remember liar coach who didn't want his kids to play twice? Well they lost the first game anyway and were out. He screwed everybody up and his team didn't even have to play again. He is now banned from coaching anything. (He's also a dick and screams at the kids so good riddance.)

However, we won our game and got 1st place!! We beat the other team by 5 points. Man were our kids pumped up!

Speedy now has two 1st place trophies for T-ball. He won last year and this year as well. Since he'll be 7 next year, he's moving up to coach's pitch. And I'm not sure he's gonna do too good. LOL I hope he gets on a shitty team so he won't feel bad if he messes up.

Here are some pics my MOM took (Note: My mom is a terrible photographer and usually cuts peoples heads off. I was filming with my video camera so these are the only pictures I have.)

Here is Speedy getting his trophy. He was so excited. (And yes I know he is ALL legs.)

Here he is with ~~Grizzly Adams~~ his daddy. I swear I'm gonna shave that shit off his face while he's sleeping.

And here he is with all his coaches. The BEST coaches who don't get upset when the kids mess up. (He was tired of smiling by this point.)

And here he is with his best friend who got 2nd place. They got the same thing last year too. And hubby and his bff's dad were both coaches this year and kept teasing each other throughout the game.

That reminds me of one game. Bff's dad was coaching 1st base and hubby yelled at him saying "That 1st base coach doesn't know what he's doing!". Well we were all laughing and Speedy ran up yelling "Stop Daddy! He's gonna arrest you!". Bff's dad is a cop. LOL

Here are some pics my mom took at the 1st game. Here's me and my little man. (and both of my chins too.)
And 2 cool dudes. Well one of them IS cool. And he's 6.

So no more ball games. No more practices. No more T-ball. I'm gonna miss this next year when he moves up. They're more serious in coaches pitch. I hope I don't go off on anybody if they get mad at Speedy for messing up. We'll see.

He Takes After His Momma

2010-04-29T09:12:00.002-05:00

I'm leaving work early today to go see Speedy get some kind of certificate or something for being Student Of The Month! I am so proud of him!

Truth be told, I have no idea how they pick the students. His teacher said he is a very polite and kind boy so I guess that's the reason.

I've got my video camera charging up and will be ready to film him. Who knows when he'll every get something like this again. The sad thing is, my video camera won't connect to my computer so there's no way I can show y'all. I so need to get a DVD recording camera.

Speedy will also get a sign to put in our yard saying he's a Student of the Month. I'll take pics to show y'all that.

As I was getting my tape ready in the camera last night, I watched him play T-ball from last year. My goodness he was TERRIBLE! It's so cool to see how much he's improved since last year.

I'm gonna video tonights game as well so I'll be able to show him one day how bad his attention span was as a child. haha Oh and I also have videos of him naked in the tub. I've gotta have SOME kind of blackmail for the future.

Getting Closer But Not Quite There

2010-04-27T08:38:00.002-05:00

Last night was Speedy's first T-ball game in their tournament. They won!

I told him if he hit a home run that I would buy him a toy at his FAVORITE store, the Dollar General. He was PUMPED!

He tried his best but still didn't make it all the way around the bases. He DID hit it hard enough to get in 2 of the kids so that was awesome. He also had to bat twice each inning since our team had less kids than our opponents. But all around he did great.

We play our next game on Thursday against the undefeated team. I think either way, if we win or lose, we still have to play them again Saturday since we are the number 2 team in the league. We'll just have to wait and see what happens.

I took a video on my phone last night of Speedy batting. But be warned. TURN DOWN YOUR SPEAKERS. Better yet don't even turn them on. I get excited and yell and it's damn loud. Like bust your eardrum loud.

He didn't get the best hit since he hit it down instead of up but it went pretty far. And notice how fast that little boy is that runs it home. His dad is the coach of that team and he SCREAMS at the kids. My mom hates him. LOL

Oh yea and I *might* have a small crush on our coach. Just sayin.

So turn it DOWN.

I've been to games this WHOLE season and I just NOW thought to video it after I saw another mom with her iPhone. *hits head on desk*

That Wascally Wabbit

2010-04-22T08:59:00.003-05:00

We have a few rabbits that come eat grass in our yard everyday. Speedy has named them Chippy and Pippy. I'm thinking there are more than 2 but who knows.

Last night when we were leaving, we saw one in the front yard. Speedy decided to be a rabbit whisperer and try to sneak up on it.

Here is a video of him. (Note to self: Shut your big ass mouth when filming. It will be too loud on videos.)

If only Speedy had on his Elmer Fudd hat. THAT would have been a great video.

And yes Speedy IS in his socks with no shoes. That's how we roll. OK so I didn't notice he didn't have shoes on until we were already outside. That's great parenting.

Also I have a cold and am hopped up on meds so that's my excuse. And my nose feels like it's on fire right now and is burning off my face. Good times!

Homework is Shit

2010-04-21T08:37:00.002-05:00

Speedy is finishing up his year in kindergarten and has homework to do each night. They are working on spelling right now.

(Note: his penmanship isn't too great but he's a lefty and I think he has a harder time. Or maybe I am biased because he's my kid. I DID just order him some left-handed scissors because you do NOT want to see his cutting skillz.)

Anyway, the other night he had to spell out words and a sentence that I read aloud to him. As I was checking it, a certain word popped out.

He was trying to spell hot but spelled hit. And that just happened to be very close to the "s" in front of it. I laughed about it but never told Speedy because he would have never turned it in to his teacher. And yes it is still proudly displayed on the front of my ice box.

Also they just took school pictures a few weeks ago. The new pictures came home but I sent them right back. I think even his killer mugshot pic is better than this. (Although I scanned the picture and pretty much stole it from the picture people. Hey, they shouldn't send home picture packets to EVERY kid and THEN make you pay for it. That's a scam trying to get parents to pay up for pics they never even ordered. Oh you just got played picture people.)

This morning Speedy was mad at me because he's going on a fieldtrip today and I MADE him bring his backpack to school. He said he didn't have to, but sometimes you just can't trust what a 6 year-old says. He was mad at me until I gave him some money to spend. Yes I CAN buy his love.

Tomorrow night is our last regular T-ball game and then next week starts the tournament. I hope I don't have to beat anybody down. I mean my mom wanted to go off on the umpire one time and she's a sweet 6o year old lady. Just imagine what I would do if I got pissed off. I am my mother's daughter but sweet isn't a word used to describe me too much when I'm mad.

Stay tuned...

I'm BaaaaaAAAAACCCKKK!!

2010-04-19T08:41:00.002-05:00

I'm back and have survived another tax season. This one about killed me though. Working late everyday for 6 days a week takes a toll on you. I still haven't caught up on my sleep but having the WHOLE weekend off was awesome.

At the beginning of the month, T-ball season started back up, so I've been running to games and practices too. Let's just say its been crazy.

Now onto some T-ball stories. You know I've got some.

First up, at one of the very first practices, Speedy went to stop the ball and it bounced up and hit him in the head. After making sure he was OK, which he was because he laughed about it, I yelled "You stopped the ball. You just used your head to do it instead of your glove". *crickets* All the other parents looked at me. I guess they don't get my sense of humor. Even Speedy laughed when he heard me.

At our first game, Speedy hit a home run! He is the last batter so he has to hit it good to get all the kids home that are on base. I was so proud of him!

He went to bat again in the 2nd inning and hit another whopper and was midway between third and home plate when he suddenly stopped and picked up the ball and got himself out. You could hear the parents screaming "Don't pick it up!". I swear things went in slow motion at that point so imagine me yelling in slow motion "Doooon't piiick iiit uuup".

I asked him why he did that and he said "Well it was just sitting there". He now knows NOT to pick the ball up if he is not playing in the outfield.

We have one game this week and then the tournament starts next week. We've won 3 lost 2 and tied 1. I think they'll do pretty good. I just hope Speedy doesn't mess up like last year because he feels pressure. We'll see.

I'll have more stories for you tomorrow and a few pictures. So what have y'all been up to since January?

Gators and Poo

2010-03-15T08:49:00.002-05:00

Hey y'all! I'm back for a quick post.

Yesterday was my only day off for the week so I wanted to do something with Speedy since I hardly get to see him during tax season. Sooo we decided to go to the local alligator ranch, which is about 15 minutes from our house. (Hubby went too but his tooth that was pulled is not healing so he's still in alot of pain so after about 10 minutes he went and laid down in the car while we went on the tour.)

So me and Speedy listen to the tour guide who is pretty wacked out but the kids love him. We learned about how they take the gator eggs from the marsh and hatch them and how they harvest the animals when grown and release some back into the wild.

Here is Speedy up close and personal with a baby.

We then got to go see the bigger ones (they only grow them to about 4 foot so they're really not that big). I have video of it but don't have time right now to upload it.

We fed them some marshmallows and then our guide caught one and we got to take a picture with him (or her. You have to stick your finger in their croacha(?) to feel for a wee wee and we were all more than happy NOT to know the sex of it.)

Here's our pic. Notice Speedy is barely touching it? And the guy told me not to squeeze it too much or it would poo on me. OK note taken dude. (Don't laugh at how fat I am!)

Sorry the pic is not too clear. I didn't have time to scan it so it's a picture of a picture. LOL

I wish I had that giant gator statue we were sitting on. I could have lots of great pics with that thing.

Oh and YES that gator's mouth was taped shut...by a 5 year old boy on the tour with us.

Well when we got done with that, Speedy wanted to ride his 4-wheeler. So he took off and I went to examine my plum tree.

I planted a seedling off of my grandpa's tree when I first got married. That thing has grown and is now taller than I am but STILL has not made any plums. I went to look at it since the flowers are blooming on it and Speedy rode over to see what I was doing. I turned around and saw my little poser sitting like this.

WTF kid? I started laughing and he was like "What's so funny?". Nothing much poser.

Well I gotta get to work now. Hopefully I'll get time to blog soon. Until then, don't squeeze the gators.

P.S. I had my own pet baby gator when I was a little girl. My dad caught it in the swamp when he was out hunting. His name was Pee Wee. We kept him for about a month and then my dad released him back into the swamp. Not many people can say they had THAT as a pet.

And we also caught coons, possums(with babies in her pouch), fox, a baby owl and all kinds of stuff growing up. You didn't think I was raised normal did you?

I'm Kinda Classy When Surrounded By Dumbasses

2010-03-10T08:23:00.003-06:00

Hey everybody! I've missed y'all so much but work sucks major right now so I haven't had time to sleep much less blog. One month and 4 days to go until tax day. Hopefully I make it this year without any incidents.

Ooh listen to this. We had a client come in the other day that (raises hand) swear to god looked like a killer. And I'm totally serious too. He had on big black rimmed glasses and when I would say something, he would stare at me like he didn't hear me. I'm not sure if he was all there in the head but he creeped me WAAY out. He's one of those people that could snap at any moment and beat you to death with a stapler or shoe or something. Scary dude.

I told my boss about him since the guy wanted an appointment and my boss just laughed. He thought I was exaggerating. Until he actually met the guy. After the meeting, I asked my boss what he thought and he totally agreed with me. Possible killer. Hopefully this guy doesn't come back. Or ever reads this blog.

In other news, this past weekend we went to Monster Jam. (Note: Hubby broke his tooth on Friday afternoon so he was in pain all weekend but still went to Monster Jam with us. Don't worry, he was repaid for his efforts.) Here is a pic of Speedy with his goofy ear thingies I borrowed from my dad. I think my dad uses them when he shoots his gun.

Speedy was SO excited! Until about halfway through when intermission started and then he was ready to go. I promised him the best was yet to come and he was happy at the end that he stayed.

I think the best driver was this dude with a GIANT mohawk, who even kept that thing standing up AFTER wearing a helmet. He must have had major product in that hair.

Here's a video of him flipping his truck. The people went crazy!

TURN DOWN YOUR VOLUME!!!! VERY LOUD!!!!

He might have flipped his truck twice, but he was willing to give a great show to the fans.

Speedy was super excited to see Gravedigger. Who doesn't love that truck? Sadly the original driver, Dennis Anderson (who fucking rocks!) wasn't driving since this was the last show of the season before finals in Vegas. I was kinda sad because that dude can DRIVE.

There was another guy who was driving the truck for him. He did a pretty decent job but you just knew it wasn't the real deal dude.

We had fun though. And while waiting in line, I realized I'm not as redneck as I once thought. This guy kept talking to us and he was one of those know-it-alls that knew everything about the show. He was also somewhat cross eyed so I never knew if he was talking to me or hubby. I just smiled at him until he was looking at me a little too much so I looked away. Creepo!

We couldn't get tickets to the New Orleans show so we had to go to this one which was in Mississippi. And all the loud, ignorant hillbillies showed up for the show.

After seeing all them, I'm kinda classy y'all. That's pretty funny huh? Or really sad.

P.S. Hubby had his tooth pulled on Monday because it would have cost a fortune to fix it. Now I'm stuck with him whining and bitching. And last night he started puking from his pain meds. I'm about to shoot myself. I'm dog tired and now I'm taking care of whiny ass. I can't take much more. Who knows, I might be the one killing someone with a shoe. Not creepy killer guy. Help!

P.P.S. Did y'all miss me? Cuz I'm not sure when I'll be back. It probably won't be until after the 15th of April, or when the prison guards let me have "computer time".

NOT My Cabbage Patch Dolls!!

2010-02-23T09:40:00.002-06:00

I haven't really had time to blog lately but I DID want to tell y'all some stuff.

On my birthday last Friday, my office totally surprised me and all chipped in to buy me tickets to go see Vampire Baseball in New Orleans. It's some of the actors from Twilight (sadly Carlisle aka Peter Fach isn't playing) mainly Sam and Paul from the wolfpack oh and Demetri, and some other celebrities playing baseball. Some of the Saints are gonna play and Lafayette from True Blood is playing as well. The rest... well they're scraping the bottom of the barrel celebrity wise because I don't know who any of them are.

I thought it was really great that they got me the tickets. They even got 3 so me, hubby AND Speedy could go. Hubby isn't too happy to go since he could care less about Twilight and he HATES the Saints but his ass is going. Speedy is excited to go though.

Remember how I said my mom always has cake and pizza for birthdays? Well we went over there for that on Sunday and she was cleaning out my old closet. Y'all would not believe how much shit my mom had packed into that closet. It spilled out into the entire room. What can I say? Momma can pack!

One of her friends is having a garage sale so she was going through everything. And since I left it all behind when I got married, it was a trip down memory lane.

I found all my Barbie's in a suitcase and about a million My Little Ponies. My brother was remembering how I would take all my ponies and put them in the bathtub with me. (What? They needed a bath too.) He said he'd go in the bathroom and there would be horses laying everywhere drying out.

I also found all my old kids books that I brought home for Speedy. I LOVE my old books. I can remember reading them over and over. It's funny how old memories can make you happy.

I also found my "Real Baby" doll that I took EVERYWHERE. Her name was Jennifer. (I named all my dolls that. Don't know why.) She was beat to hell and back and currently has no hair but I totally brought her home. I mean that was my favorite doll.

I showed her to Speedy and within 5 minutes he had her diaper and clothes off of her. Boys!

I also found an old sign. It said "It's a Girl!" and had Gerdie written on it. I totally forgot that when my show heifer had her calf, my mom bought me that sign and stuck it in the yard. LOL I love my mom. She also gave me luggage one Mother's Day when I was fixing to go on a trip and said it was from my dog Lizzy. It had a card too with a doggie footprint on it. haha

And we also found a gigantic box with all my Cabbage Patch Dolls. I know I have over 20 of them. I told my mom that I wanted to keep them but I really don't have any room at my house so she said she would keep them for me. What the hell am I gonna do with them? I have no idea but dammit I just can't get rid of them! All 20 of them!

So overall, we only brought home my old books, my baby doll and Speedy grabbed one of my old Pound Puppies. Hubby would have thrown a fit if I had gotten more.

I guess I'm too sentimental. Although I DID get rid of my Barbie's and Ponies. I think that's a pretty big step.

But nobody is taking away my adopted kids from the Patch. I mean I even have their birth certificates and all. And who doesn't love a kid with Xavier stamped on their ass?

P.S. I got my ice cream cake. And since we didn't have room in our freezer, we put in in our in-laws next door. Hubby went to get me a piece last night and my in-laws ate the whole fucking cake. I think that's really fucking rude. I wouldn't eat somebody elses food. I was so damn mad last night. I had 2 pieces of this big ole cake and those hogs fucking ate the rest. I'll be damned if I share anything with them again.

P.P.S. I'm still fucking mad about no cake. Ugh!!!

Dear Twenties, You've Got A Year Left So Don't Screw It Up

2010-02-19T09:02:00.003-06:00

Today is a great day to be born on. Oh wait, I was born today! Hmm

I got up this morning and Speedy rushed to tell me happy birthday and he said for my surprise present, he would let me watch him play his Monster Truck game. That kid is a giver I tell ya.

I think hubby is gonna take him later to buy me a "present" from the Dollar store. There's no telling what he'll get me. I'm betting on a toy.

I got in to work and my co-worker brought me this:

Yum yum in my tum. My fave, Caramel Frappucinno.

My dad called to tell me happy birthday and while I was on the phone with him, my mom called too. I feel so loved!

So hopefully my day will stay great. And if it gets shitty, I can always think about all the ice cream cake I'm gonna eat when I get home tonight.

Hoping for a great 29th year!

No Bitching This Post...I Promise

2010-02-17T07:46:00.000-06:00

OK now that people are all back to work today, I'm doing better. I'm no longer pissed. BUT next Mardi Gras, I'll be taking Speedy to the parade and THEN going into work. I've determined that.

Now I'm moving on and looking forward to my birthday on Friday. Not because I'll be the last possible age to be in my twenties (don't you hit 29 and keep holding year after year?) but because my hubby ordered me a chocolate ice cream cake from Coldstone Creamery. I can't wait to chow down on that sucker.

My parents will have cake and pizza for me and my family like they do for ALL of our birthdays. Although my hubby and SIL refuse to have that on their birthday. Weirdos. I mean Speedy and my nephew LOVE to have a "party". Why ruin the fun for them? They even help blow out the candles for the birthday person.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to eating me some cake. Too bad y'all don't live closer because I would have shared.

Maybe.

I'm Pissed And Not Afraid To Say It

2010-02-16T08:43:00.003-06:00

I am at work today and I am NOT happy about it. You see, today is Mardi Gras. And while all my friends, relatives and everybody's momma is off today enjoying parades, I'm stuck in this hell hole.

I don't even wanna look at facebook right now because all I'll see is so and so is having a great time at the parade. blah blah fucking blah.

I wanna be at the parade. I wanna take my kid to enjoy it like all the other kids in his school. (School is out the whole week for this.) But NOOOO. Fucking tax season and a fucking hard ass boss won't let me.

My co-worker's son just started working here and he was supposedly sick yesterday and he's not here today. If I fucking find out that he was at a parade, I will punch him in the fucking face.

Can you tell I'm a little irritated today?

It's not just because a few people are off, EVERYBODY is off today. My dad who works for the military building shit is off, my SIL who works for the government is off, my mom who works at the hospital is off. EVERYBODY is off. It really is like a national holiday today down here. The banks are closed and the mail is not running.

Hell the newspaper that is a floor below us here is even closed. So if any dickhead client comes by today, I have to go unlock the doors downstairs to let them in.

And it's not like we're super swamped today. We could all take today off and be fine workwise. But no my boss hates Mardi Gras so he's making us suffer. You know who else is suffering because of it? My kid. He's probably the only one who isn't enjoying today. And that's pisses me the fuck off.

When I was little, we ALWAYS went to the parade. We always dressed up and had a great time. And I feel like a shitty parent because my kid isn't getting to do this stuff.

Next year I'm telling my boss that I'll be in late because fuck that. Speedy is only little once and he deserves to enjoy it.

It's safe to say I will be in a bad mood ALL DAY. Good thing I don't have a voodoo doll because I know whose picture I would put on it.

Work Sucks, I Can't Spell And Other Odds And Ends

2010-02-15T08:43:00.002-06:00

Saturday was our redneck Mardi Gras parade. And since it was so freaking cold, it was pretty short. I didn't even bring my camera because I didn't wanna take my hands out of my pockets. It was THAT cold.

We caught a good bit though since we know a shitload of people that ride in it. I got hit in the chin with some beads while Speedy got hit in the cheek. We survived and then ran inside to warm up after it was over.

I will be WORKING on Tuesday which is Mardi Gras Day so there won't be any more parades for me this year. Damn tax season fucks up everything.

And if you're my friend on Facebook, you would have seen that I was super pumped up on Friday because we had a chance of snow. Well while I was WORKING, I look out the window and see this.

It was so pretty but it didn't stick to the ground. I sat there looking out the window forever. Well until somebody called me to do something. I sure wish it would snow a good bit. All I want is to make a snowman. Is that too much to ask?

In other news, I have become obsessed with this game on my iPhone called Words With Friends. It's like a live version of Scrabble that you can play with your friends. It will notify you when your partner has played a word and it's your turn. I've got like 5 games going on right now. Oh and you can get this app in a free version so go get it. My name is Twi-Tiff so add me and lets play.

And if you play Farmville on facebook, could you please add my husband and become his neighbor? Please? I might kill him if he bitches about not having enough neighbors to upgrade his farm one more time. Just make sure you write that you read my blog because he'll think he has a stalker or something. Kinda like I'm gonna get killed because I blog on the internet and that is very dangerous. K thanks!

Tell Me When To Smile DAMMIT

2010-02-11T09:06:00.002-06:00

This morning I had to go renew my driver's license since my birthday is next Friday and it's gonna expire. I've had the same license for about 9 years now. It's from back in the day when I got married and had to get a new one since my name changed. And guess what. It was a terrible half crooked smiling picture.

So I figured I'd get my new license and have a great picture. WRONG!

I stood there waiting for the lady to take my picture and all she said was "This is where you need to look". CLICK. I wasn't even ready! So now I look like I'm a killer. I guess it matches Speedy's killer mugshot.

I get to carry this awesome pic for 4 years. Yay!

See if I would have been TOLD when she was gonna take my picture, I'd have looked like this.

(How ya like my scarf tying Jill in New Yawk?)

And um yea I cut off all my hair this weekend. Oops forgot to tell y'all that.

So my license now matches my murdering sons school picture. I guess it's all in the family.

P.S. Y'all it might snow tonight! I sure hope it does. Speedy is whacked out of his head with excitement. He's been looking out the window all night even though I told him it wouldn't be until this night.

And I know all you northerner people are thinking "Snow. Why is she so excited for that. We have 3 feet on the ground." (Hey Cathey! You still snowed in reading Twilight porn?) Well we NEVER get snow. Well, we had it a few months ago and last winter and that is like a world record or something. It didn't last but a day but it sure was fun. So more snow now would be so awesome! I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

I'll Miss You Captain Phil

2010-02-10T08:47:00.002-06:00

I just read that Captain Phil Harris from TLC's The Deadliest Catch passed away this morning. That makes me really sad.

I'm a huge Deadliest Catch fan and he was one of my favorite captains. He had suffered a stroke recently but seemed to be doing OK. His sons said when he woke up from a medically induced coma he told the doctors and nurses, "Don't fuck this up". LOL

He suffered a blood clot going through his lungs and heart WHILE STILL CRABBING on last season. He was a tough old sonofabitch but also a teddy bear when it came to his boys.

I'll miss you Captain Phil. You were one of the best. RIP

P.S. If you haven't watched Deadliest Catch before, you're really missing out. It's a great show.

I Think I'm Kinda Insane

2010-02-09T08:32:00.002-06:00

Today is the big Saints parade in New Orleans. (The first EVER) I WAS gonna go with my bff and her family but she called me last night saying that we were gonna ride a party bus over there and it would be $50 per person. Um okaaay.

I was kinda okay with that until she told me that we would leave at 3:00 and come back at 11:00 tonight. Um 8 hours? 8 hours?!?! I don't think so. I don't know what the hell people are gonna do for 8 hours. Oh yes I do, drink. Since I'm not a big drinker I would be bored within 3 or 4 hours.

The parade runs at 5:00 and there are gonna be THOUSANDS of people there. Hey remember when I said I hated being around alot of people? Well that's a fucking lot of people. And that's the reason I don't go to Mardi Gras parades over there.

And to top things off, a cold front is coming through right now and it's fucking cold. The wind whipped my hair around on my head as soon as I walked out the door. And the weatherman said it would feel like it's in the 30's with the wind chill. No thank you.

I couldn't sleep last night after hearing about how cold it would be because I knew there was no way in hell I was going to stand out in that for a parade. I also had a nightmare that when I told my bff I wasn't going that she got mad at me and started screaming at me. After that, I couldn't sleep. You see, when I have decisions to make, I don't sleep. I guess my mind won't shut off or something.

So I told my bff this morning that I wasn't going. She was kinda upset because she knows I've never been to a New Orleans parade. Hmm maybe that's for a reason.

She hasn't made it in to work yet but I'm sure she'll try to talk me into going. Not gonna happen.

Is there something wrong with me that I freak out about being around lots of people in a place I don't know. Relying on a bus to get home at a certain time? And having nightmares about deciding to go to a parade?

I would have went if hubby was going (He is on his way right now to a doctor because he has severe pain in his jaw. Turns out his jaw has deteriorated because of his rheumatoid arthritis and he'll probably have to get surgery to rebuild it. He already had the right side done last year. This would be the left side. Guess where my Superbowl money is going.) Maybe I'm just insecure. Hell I KNOW I'm insecure but I just don't know what else. My bff said a parade is nothing to lose sleep over and I agree. But why did this bother me so much? Being indecisive maybe? I don't know.

School gets out early today so people can go to this parade. I think this thing will be the biggest parade EVER. And I will happily watch it at home on my TV.

I might be a fucking weirdo but at least I will be warm tonight.

P.S. Please tell me I'm kinda normal.

Who Dat Baby!!!

2010-02-08T08:31:00.002-06:00

Y'all it is fucking insane around here. Insane I tell ya!

Oh and if you didn't know, The Saints WON the Superbowl!!! It was so cool and everybody went nuts. If you think regular Mardi Gras was something, you should see the people out and about now.

Oh and there is a shitload of them downstairs right now getting the paper. I need to get 5 for friends and annoying people that asked me but I'm gonna wait a little while. There is so many people parked on the side of the road that a State Trooper is out there helping with the traffic. Madness people, it's madness.

Oh and I also saw a large lady in her nightgown and slippers with rollers in her hair. It's classy around here.

I watched the game diligently ALONE, since hubby went to our friends house but didn't tell me this or I would have went with him (Asshole). So I watch the game and then I have to get Speedy out the bathtub and dressed and the phone starts ringing.

I run and answer it and it's my bff. She asked if I had been watching and checking the football pool numbers. I told her I had except for the past 10 minutes. Well she told me that I WON! My boss bought us each a square on a local pool and I won $2500. I was so excited! I have to go pick up my moolah today. Now what should I spend it on? Besides bills of course.

Oh and I survived the Wedding Shower that I was dreading. I took my Xanax and drove my happy little ass over there.

I wasn't stressed and sweating or anything but I was still uncomfortable. I talked to my friend and another girl I knew from school but that was about it besides saying hello when introduced to people. I just stood back and out of the way. I'm just not a social person I guess. But I did it and that's over with now. Go me!

Now I better go fight my way to get some newspapers because everybody and their momma has been calling wanting one. Lazy bastards!

I Want My Box Back...Or I'll Stab You With A Pencil

2010-02-05T09:03:00.003-06:00

I got a call last night from my bff telling me that her and my boss moved all kinds of shit around at the office. They moved the copier to a whole different room and my tax return box is now moved too.

All this because they don't want people walking in their office to make a copy. BUT what the fuck about me? Sure you don't mind annoying the other 2 people in the office that we all hate but you're moving stuff that I do too.

Now when people come to get their returns, instead of turning around to get it for them, I have to go into another room. And make the people stay in my office while I do this. Guess what? People don't wanna fucking stay in my office, they always want to follow me. So that whole thing about not wanting to be interrupted? That ain't gonna happen because I'm gonna be in and out of their offices.

I'm guessing they will get bothered by this or I will stab someone in the eye and I will get my damn box back in my office. Mark my words.

Also I have to go to a weeding shower for my friend on Sunday. She was my best friend in high school and was my maid of honor in my wedding. Hell she was my only bridesmaid in my wedding because I had a damn quickie wedding within 2 weeks of being engaged. I don't do crowds or people staring at me so I didn't want a big wedding. Thinking back at all the tears and people telling me what to do about my wedding, we should have eloped but I know that would have broken my mom's heart. (Although my dad said eloping was fine with him. LOL)

ANYWAY back on the subject, I have to go to this shower. I was lucky enough to be out of town for her baby shower. Yea yea she had a baby before marriage who the fuck cares, but I MUST go to this shower.

Guess what y'all? I fucking hate being alone around people I don't know. I mean scared to death and sweaty. SOO I will take some of my newly acquired Xanax before I get there. My dose is only .25mg and I've only taken one before when I had to go to a birthday party for one of Speedy's friends. (See, me and strange people freak me out.)

I was wondering if I should take 2 or maybe 1 and a half. At the b-day party, I had hubby with me so it was cool. At this shower I will be ALONE. I'm getting nervous just thinking about this. Ugh!

I have what you call social anxiety. BUT if my damn murdering doctor would have listened to me, he would have given me something to take daily because I will not go places by myself unless I have to. I get nervous around new people so I clam up and don't say anything. People think I'm a bitch but I just can't help it. I fucking smile though so that should count.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be over in the corner not saying a word. But I'll fucking smile at you and try to look nice, what more do you want from me??

P.S. Y'all know this is gonna be a disaster don't you? I'll bet you're smiling right now as you're reading this huh? Bitches!

I Am NOT A Computer Expert

2010-02-04T08:37:00.002-06:00

My whole family thinks I'm some computer genius and is always calling me with questions. Guess what? I don't know shit about computers.

Everything that I DO know, I learned by myself. I never took any classes. Well except computer education in high school, but I sucked so bad at typing that my teacher felt bad for me and only made me type half of my test while the rest of the class had to do the whole thing. Oh and I made a picture with colored squares. Yea that taught me alot.

I've picked up on stuff while working. And I'm a clicker. What's a clicker you ask? Oh I like to figure out what things do so I click on things. Now this could totally backfire on me one day but I just like to see what different settings and such do. Also I know how to work my DVR and TV like a fucking pro because of my clicking.

Anyway, my family thinks I'm Bill Gates or something. My dad called me a couple weeks ago and said his computer was messed up. Now I don't know what the hell he does but his computer is jacked up. I can't tell you how many hours I've spent trying to get his printer to work after he DELETED it. And he has Vista which sucks ASS in my opinion so everything I tried to do wasn't Vista compatible. He doesn't understand what the hell that means.

So his computer was screwed so instead of being without it for a few days (a while back I got my IT friend to fix the printer issue and it worked great but he was without a computer for a week) he decided he was just gonna buy a new one.

"Tiffany buy me a new computer. You know what all I need." That's what I heard. No I DON'T know what you need. All you do is surf the net and print pictures. You need a plain old computer. So I researched online and found him one with alot of memory. Hell I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I figure the more memory, the faster.

He wanted me to go with him and get one but I was sick so I told him the name and model. I also told him to ask the sales people at the store. Well they thought the one I picked was great so he got it. And it's super fast. Faster than mine.

Well my grandma called this morning saying hers is screwed. Great! I told her to take it in to get fixed but she has bank account info saved in word and she can't access that to delete it. I don't know what the hell to tell her. One of her friends is gonna try to save it on a flash drive or something.

Then she says that she'll get me to go buy her a new one. Um no! I don't know what the fuck is in a computer. Go ask a specialist.

I get so mad because I get asked all this shit and I don't know anything about it. I even TELL THEM I don't know but they won't fucking listen to me. I don't know what more to say.

Sorry this was such a boring bitchy post but I had to get it off my chest.

And oh yea, I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT FUCKING COMPUTERS!!!!

*whew* I feel better now.

P.S. I almost got in a wreck this morning because some dickhead fucker that works for our Parish's government, decided to pass a double lane and go around 5 cars that are waiting to turn into the school as I'm turning in. I had to jam on my brakes and was inches away from being hit. I wish to god that I had gotten his license plate number. God I've gotta quit typing because I'm getting madder and madder.

This Is So True For The Who Dat Nation

2010-02-03T10:11:00.002-06:00

I got this as an email and thought it was funny and pretty accurate about our local Saints fans aka The Who Dat Nation. We're proud people and not at all ashamed to show our true feelings.

Dear Miami,

The Saints are coming. And so are we, their loyal, long-suffering and slightly discombobulated Super Bowl-bound fans.

While there's still time to prepare -- although a few hard-core Who Dats will begin trickling in Monday, most of us won't arrive until Thursday or Friday -- we thought we'd give you a heads-up about what you should expect.

First things first: You need more beer.Yeah, we know. You ordered extra. You think you have more than any group of humans could possibly consume in one week. Trust us. You don't.

New Orleans was a drinking town long before the Saints drove us to drink. But it turns out beer tastes better when you're winning. (Who knew?) So let's just say we're thirsty for more than a championship; adjust your stockpiles accordingly.

And look. When we ask you for a go-cup, be nice to us. We don't even know what "open container law" means. Is that anything like "last call"?

It's Carnival season in New Orleans (that's Mardi Gras to you), and we'll be taking the celebration on the road. So don't be startled if you walk past us and we throw stuff at you; that's just our way of saying hello.

Oh, and sorry in advance about those beads we leave dangling from your palm trees. We just can't help ourselves.

February is also crawfish season, and you can be sure that more than one enterprising tailgater will figure out a way to transport a couple sacks of live mudbugs and a boiling pot to Miami.

When the dude in the 'Who Dat' T-shirt asks if you want to suck da head and pinch da tail, resist the urge to punch him. He's not propositioning you. He's inviting you to dinner.

And if you see a big Cajun guy who looks exactly like an old Saints quarterback walking around town in a dress ... don't ask. It's a long story.

We know that crowd control is a major concern for any Super Bowl host city. Our advice? Put away the riot gear.

Reason No. 1: Indianapolis is going to lose, and their fans are way too dull to start a riot.

Reason No. 2: New Orleans showed the world on Sunday that we know how to throw a victory party. We don't burn cars. We dance on them.

Reason No. 3: Even if we did lose, which we won't, leaving the stadium would be like leaving a funeral, and our typical response to that is to have a parade.

Speaking of which: If you happen to see a brass band roll by, followed by a line of folks waving their handkerchiefs, you're not supposed to just stand there and watch. As our own Irma Thomas would say, get your backfield in motion.

And hey, Mister DJ! Yes, we know you've already played that stupid Ying Yang Twins song 10 times tonight, but indulge us just one more time.

To us, "Halftime (Stand Up and Get Crunk)" isn't just a song; it's 576 points of good memories. It's the sound of a Drew Brees touchdown pass to Devery Henderson, a Pierre Thomas dive for first down on 4th-and-1, a Garrett Hartley field goal sailing through the uprights in overtime.

It's what a championship sounds like. You may get sick of hearing it. We won't. Encore, dammit.

Inside Sun Life Stadium, you may find your ears ringing more than usual. We're louder than other fans. Seven thousand of ours sound like 70,000 of theirs.

Don't believe us? Ask the 12th man in the Vikings huddle.

Some people think it's just the Dome that heightens our volume. But you're about to discover a little secret: We can scream loud enough to make your head explode, indoors or out.

It's not the roof. It's the heart.

Well, OK, and the beer.

Don't be surprised if there are more Saints fans outside the stadium than inside. A lot of us are coming just to say we were part of history, even if we can't witness it up close. The Saints are family to us, and you know how it is with family: We want to be there for them, whether they really need us or not. Because we know our presence will mean something to them, whether they can see us or not.

Come to think of it, seeing as how you're taking us in for the week, we pretty much regard you as family, too. So we're warning you now: If you're within hugging distance, you're fair game.

Hugging strangers is a proud Who Dat tradition, right up there with crying when we win.

Most sports fans cry when their teams lose. Not us. We've been losing gracefully and with good humor for 43 years. Tragedy and disappointment don't faze us. It's success that makes us go to pieces.

Hurricane Katrina? We got that under control. The Saints in the Super Bowl? SOMEBODY CALL A PARAMEDIC!!!

So anyway, don't let the tears of joy freak you out. We're just ... disoriented.

OK. Let's review:

Order more beer. Throw me something, mister. Suck da heads. Wear da dress. Stand up. Get crunk. Hug it out. Protect your eardrums. Pass the Kleenex. Hoist the trophy.

See you at the victory party.

Faithfully yours,

The Who Dat Nation

P.S. About the old Saints quarterback in a dress: we had a radio guy on the air down here for years that always said if the Saints went to the Superbowl, he would wear a dress down Bourbon Street. Well he passed away a few months ago and didn't get to see them get there and to honor him, Saints former quarterback Bobby Hebert wore a dress down Bourbon for him. Oh and a bunch of his buddies did too. So they're just honoring a longtime Saints fan.

Any more questions?

Who Dat!!!

Cricket Poo And Other Great Tales

2010-02-01T08:33:00.003-06:00

Yesterday me and Speedy went to visit my parents, like we do every weekend. And since it wasn't TOO cold out, my Dad and Speedy went fishing in the pond. I filmed a couple of videos of him catching some fish.

After watching them, I realized that when I film, I should keep my mouth shut. Since I'm close to the microphone, my big mouth is so freaking loud. So if you turn your volume up to watch these, beware of big mouth. I almost blew a speaker while watching a minute ago.

Here is Speedy with his whopper of a fish. And you can turn it up at the end to hear what Speedy asks my dad.

He says some of the funniest things. And while fishing, he told my dad that he broke up with his girlfriend because she was driving him nuts. Um dude, you're 6. You don't even know what that means.

In this video he catches the allusive porcupine fish aka a bream.

My Dad's pond is stocked with Bream and Catfish. There is even white catfish in there that look like alien fish. I wish Speedy would have hooked a big catfish.

And since my dad feeds the fish daily, they are spoiled rotten. In these videos, they were using bread as bait. All they did was smush a piece of white bread around the hook and voila, easy fishing.

You would think that since Speedy has been fishing since he was old enough to walk, that he wouldn't be scared of touching the fish. Nope. You can't get that boy to touch a finger on one. I guess he gets that from me. I won't touch fish either but that's mainly because I always get finned. And plus that's what my daddy is there for. LOL

And yes, while growing up my daddy always baited my line as well. What? YOU wouldn't wanna be sticking your hand in the cricket jar either. They're just creepy and crunchy and gross. And plus they poo on you when you stick your hook in them. I might be country but I know gross when I see it.

Come And GET IT!!!!

2010-01-27T20:18:00.003-06:00

Remember when I was talking about finding a really cute apron? Well a reader of mine commented saying that she had just made a bunch of aprons and wanted to send me one. I got it in the mail today and y'all it is sooo cute! Thank you so much Lou. You did an awesome job. I love it!

Look how adorable it is. Not me! The apron.

Remember how I said Tink follows me everywhere and sits on my feet? That includes the kitchen too.

She watches for anything that drops when I'm cooking.

And then she guards the pot while I'm out of the kitchen. She's my helper I guess. haha

Oh and I wanted to show y'all my new dishes but I didn't think of this until food was on the plate. So...sit on down y'all and have some smothered porkchops and mashed tators.

While I was cooking, I looked over and saw my two kids hanging out. And HAD to snap a pic.

Obviously they got tired of waiting for dinner to be ready.

Anyway, I just want to thank Lou again. If you don't already Lou, you really should sell these aprons on etsy or something. They are so cute and very well made. Thanks!

And to finish up this post, I'll leave you with my gremlin baby.
Isn't she such a pretty little thing? LOL

He Was Showing Signs Of Being A Murderer

2010-01-27T08:31:00.003-06:00

We had a catastrophe this weekend at our house. I was taking a shower, enjoying my alone time when Speedy ran in yelling that blood was all over the floor. And since he wasn't crying I figured the dog might have cut itself on something. And Speedy is an exaggerator so I figured "all over the floor" might have been a spot or two.

I told him I would clean it up when I got out since I was almost finished. So I'm rinsing soap off when he hauls ass back in the bathroom screaming that blood is on his hand. I look out the shower curtain and he has pink on his hand. OK no big deal I tell him and try to finish up.

Next he comes SCREAMING in the bathroom about blood being all over his leg. I look out again and sure enough he has blood smeared all over his leg. He is freaking out at this time. Thank goodness I'm done because I get out and make him hop in to wash off.

I look down at Emmie the weenie dog, who always lays on the bath rug while I shower, and there's blood on the rug as she walks off. I hurriedly run in the living room and stop. There IS blood everywhere. Not pools of it buts drops ALL OVER.

I go to inspect the dogs and Tinkerbell the bulldog is hiding under the kitchen table. That's not a good sign so I figured she was the one that was hurt. So after rolling her fatass over and inspecting her, I decide she's OK except for some blood on her paws.

I next go to check Emmie the weenie and her feet are SOAKED. She somehow managed to rip off her entire toe nail on her back foot. I don't know what happened. I found the nail on the rug so maybe it got caught in the rug and she tried to run off.

Anyway she's fine, the bleeding has stopped and she's going to sleep. Tink however is still hiding like a big baby so I have to coax her out, and by coax I mean I grab the dog treat box and her fat ass flies out from under that table. I guess the weenie dog isn't the only "weenie dog" in my house.

I mop up the mess and this whole time Speedy is STILL in the shower. I go in there to get him out and he said he's still trying to wash the blood off. I check and he's clean as a whistle. He said no he's not and continues to soap up.

That made me think of the killers in movies where they kill someone and wash their hands repeatedly because they feel like still have blood on them even though they're clean. Yea my kid was acting like a movie murderer.

Yall know how he's scared of blood. What do you think would have happened if it had been his OWN blood? I can hear the screaming already.

P.S. I hope nobody goes through my trash because I had to try to get blood off the rug with a washrag and that rag is a bloody mess. LOL

The Craziness Continues

2010-01-26T09:00:00.002-06:00

This morning on my way to work, I got stuck in shitty traffic. Thank goodness I stopped at McDonald's for my Frappe (Hey McDonald's remember me? Yea I'm the one giving you free advertising and what do I get? NOTHING) because I would have never made it to Starbuck's with all the traffic.

As I get closer to my building, I see cars on the side of the road and I actually saw a woman run across the damn highway. All 6 lanes! So I figured there was a bad wreck or something.

I work above the newspaper office and I go to pull in my work's parking lot and it is FULL of people. Wha wha? All these crazy ass people are here to get a damn newspaper that features the Saints going to the Superbowl.

That lady ran across awful traffic to get a paper? Damn lady! I mean I would have run across the road for a free puppy or to save a person's life but a paper? Hell No!

So if you don't hear from me tomorrow, just know that I got jumped for a paper. I would jump somebody for a Frappe maybe but not a paper. (You hearing this McDonalds?)

P.S. Saints fans are crazy. No I take that back. Louisiana PEOPLE are crazy. At least in my neck of the woods.

Your neighborly ~~drug~~paper dealer,
Tiffany

The Saints...Are...Co-ming

2010-01-25T08:37:00.002-06:00

Y'all it crazy around here. I thought Louisiana was gonna blow up last night when the Saints won. I also thought Facebook was gonna go down when all I saw was "Black and Gold Superbowl" and Saints are going to the Superbowl!" on all my friends pages.

This has been a long time coming and everybody is just so damn excited. Well everyone except hubby, who HAS to be different. I think he will be the only Louisianian who will be rooting for the Colts and not the home team. He's a weirdo.

That's OK cuz me and Speedy will be rooting for our boys. In all of the 43 years that the Saints team has been around, we've NEVER made it to the Superbowl.

I got an email yesterday listing the top 10 things that would happen if they made it to the big game, and number 1 was Louisiana would run out of alcohol. Now that's a damn good possibility since it's also Mardi Gras season. Good thing I don't drink.

And speaking of that, I asked the wine dude at our local store to recommend me a "sweet" wine to try and he gave me this chocolate wine from Holland. He said most non-drinkers like it. Well THIS non-drinker DIDN'T. I could still taste that strong alcohol flavor that I absolutely HATE. Any of y'all have any suggestions to a "sweet" wine that doesn't taste like alcohol?

Oh and just to let you know, my taste buds are different from your alcohol loving ones because I don't know how many times I've tried a drink because somebody said it didn't taste like alcohol. It did. I just can't force myself to drink ANYTHING that tastes like that.

So I'm all up for suggestions people. I DID drink a blueberry wine that my dad's neighbor made and it tasted NOTHING like alcohol. It was great! I might have to go about getting some of that.

Since I don't like to drink and I can't snort anything since I hate that as well, I guess I'll just eat my way to oblivion. Oh wait I already do that. And the proof is in my fat ass. Oh well.

P.S. Go Saints!! Who Dat!!!

Baby I Can Grind Your....Pepper

2010-01-22T08:53:00.003-06:00

Y'all I am SO tired today. Thank goodness it's Friday. And thank God there is a McDonald's on my way into work. I probably just ate a million calories but right now I could care less. That damn biscuit was good and so is my caramel frappe. Remember when I told y'all about the "frappe"? Yea well Mickey D's NEVER sent me anything. Bastards! Too bad that drink is delicious because I totally would have boycotted them. Dammit the "man" wins again.

Moving on, my desk looks like a bomb exploded on it and it's not even any tax returns. It's W-2's and 1099's. Oh how I HATE 1099's. Can y'all tell I don't wanna be working right now?

Oh and last night, I was cooking ~~Hamburger Helper~~ a great meal for the family and after cooking my ground meat, I added ~~whatever the shit was in the box~~ extra ingredients, only to find out I was out of milk. Ugh! So I had noodles and ground meat in my pot so I scrounged around in the cabinet and found some Dirty Rice mix. I threw that in, added extra water, some pepper and Tabasco sauce and let that shit cook. Guess what. It was great! I felt like a real cook since I "made" my own dish. Who knew that was possible?

Oh and also, if you wanna feel like a real cook, get a pepper grinder. Those things are AWESOME. I could grind pepper all damn day long. Mine is just a little baby one but it makes me feel like I belong in the kitchen. Now I just gotta find out where to get more pepper thingies to go in it? What is that called? Whole pepper?

Now I just need to get myself a pretty apron and I'll be set. I've been eyeing a few on ebay that are fucking awesome but a little pricey. When I get one y'all will be the first to see it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've been staying up a little later than usual because I've been reading the Lily Bard mystery series by Charlaine Harris. (Thanks Lisa!) Now if you don't know, Charlaine is the author of the Sookie Stackhouse series which is what HBO's True Blood is based on. I love to read her books. And the Lily Bard series is pretty good. She has 2 other series that I can't wait to read. And if you haven't read any of the Sookie books, then you're really missing out. I rank them a close 2nd to Twilight. *gasp*

Hopefully this day will fly by and I can sleep late in the morning (yea right) and read some more. Oh how wishes never come true.

My Doctor Was In The Burbs

2010-01-21T08:47:00.005-06:00

Do y'all remember the movie from the 80's called The Burbs? It starred Tom Hanks. I loved that movie and have seen it a bunch of times.

Well do you remember the doctor that lived next door and turned out to be a killer? Here's a pic.

Well this dude looks exactly like my doctor. And that kinda worries me.

I just started seeing this new doc this past year. It's very easy to get an appointment ~~because he's a killer~~ so whenever I get sick I run in to see him. ~~And also sit there on the table and think he's a killer and I MUST blog about it~~

Well back in November, he started me on a nose spray since my allergies suck. I've been taking Claritain everyday for years and he told me to stop that and ~~snort coke~~ use this spray.

I can safely say that I will never be addicted to snorting drugs because it SUCKS. I hate snorting this shit and I've also noticed something else. I KEEP GETTING SICK.

I've been sick every 3 weeks since I started on this shit. I know it's that because I've gone for 9 years now and only been sick a handful of times UNTIL this past year. The main reason I didn't blog last week was because I was sick again.

So I have stopped all nose spray and gone back to my Claritain. Sure that might kill me or some shit since I take it so much but at least I won't be sick all the damn time.

I'm guessing my doc isn't too busy and that's why I can get an appointment so easily because he gives people poison to take or HE REALLY IS A KILLER! You decide.

P.S. If you've never seen The Burbs, you're missing out. It's really funny.

P.P.S. I just ordered the movie Monster Squad. Y'all remember that one? My mom took me and my brother to see it at the show (I was like 10 maybe) and since it was rated R she said if there was bad stuff she was covering my eyes. LOL R rated movies back then sure aren't the same as they are today. I can't wait to let Speedy watch this one. It was also one of my faves back then. Gee a scary monster movie was my fave? Go figure.

Update: I just looked up the movie and I was actually only 6 when I saw it. LOL My bad. So Speedy will be the exact same age as I was when I saw it. That's pretty freaking cool.

Crushing Cars and Crushing Farms

2010-01-20T08:39:00.003-06:00

Sorry I've been missing for a few days. I know how inspirational my blog posts are to y'all, but it's the beginning of tax season aka HELL. And yes I've been super busy at work. You might be wondering how that would affect my blogging and to be honest, I usually blog when I first get in to work. It's super quiet since I'm the first person here, so I have time to think of really great motivating things to tell y'all. OK so that's bullshit but this is ME we're talking about.

Moving on, to all y'all that are my Farmville neighbors, you fucking rock. I have so many neighbors now that it takes me forever to fertilize all the farms. But it drives hubby insane because he's so competitive and I'm WAY ahead of him.

Who competes in Farmville? Hubby that's who. I told him you don't win you just farm but NOOO he wants to reach the highest level. And he's even gone to youtube to find cheats on how to do just that. He found one trick but it doesn't seem to save when you leave the game so that's driving him insane.

I DID find out that if you block in your farmer with hay bales on the square she stands on when the game starts, that she can't walk anywhere so it makes the game faster. Oh and that putting the bull in the dairy barn makes baby calves. LOL

Hubby asked me to build him a fence for his animals and I did. NOW he has sold all his animals and all his trees. Oh yea and the fucking fence I took my sweet ass time building. I told him I'm not helping him anymore. He's taken the fun out of Farmville. Men!

In other news, guess where me and the fam are going in March. No guess. It involves loud engines, big trucks and crushing things. Yes we're going to Monster Jam.

Speedy got a Monster truck game from Santa and has been playing that thing everyday. You should have seen his eyes when I told him I got us Monster Jam tickets. I thought his eyes were gonna pop out of his head. He is so damn excited.

My dad is stealing us some earplugs from his work and is gonna let me borrow his binoculars. Well a few binoculars. Daddy is a hunter so he's got more than one pair.

Me and hubby went to one of these before when we first got married. The trucks were SO loud that it literally makes your eardrums vibrate. It's weird. OK so I don't know if your eardrums can REALLY vibrate but it feels like that.

I guess after this post I really don't need to verify my hillbillyness anymore. Huh?

I've Created A Monster

2010-01-12T09:00:00.002-06:00

Remember when I asked y'all to be my friend on Facebook so you could be my neighbors in Farmville? Well y'all are awesome cuz I got a bunch of requests and have lots of new neighbors now.

Hubby saw me playing and kept asking me questions about the game. Well he said HE wanted to play too so I made him a Facebook page. And a farm.

Well all I hear now is "Tiffany what do I do with this cow", "Tiff how do I reply", "Tiff how do I add this person", "Tiffany who IS this?". Yea he bothers the shit out of me now. And not only on the facebook part but on Farmville too.

He just called me a while ago to tell me to check his farm cuz he was on his way to the doctor. He's obsessed with this now. And if I get asked one more damn time, how to spell something, I'm gonna scream.

Having your spouse on facebook is annoying. But at least I can eye down the skanks he talks to. It's all about love people.

Who Doesn't Want Extra Sugar? Crazy People THAT'S Who

2010-01-11T08:45:00.000-06:00

I don't know if y'all have seen this or not but I found it at the grocery and HAD to get it.

It's CAKE icing! In a bottle!

I'm all for trying new items I see so I grabbed this cuz I'm always making cupcakes. And NO I'm not the one who eats them, hubby is. I swear he eats like 10 cupcakes a day when I make them. Bastard can eat all he wants and not gain an ounce.

Yesterday I wanted to use this icing but I was feeling too lazy to make cupcakes cuz I'd been cooking soup all day. And by cooking soup all day, I mean I cooked it in my crock pot and stirred it a few times. Whatever.

So instead of whipping up batter, I grabbed the cookie dough out the ice box and sliced away. I usually don't put icing on cookies but the bottle suggested it so who am I to deny my family extra calories?

Here are the finished products. Well almost all, I still had a batch in the oven.

Did you notice only a handful had red sprinkles on them? Yea those would be mine. My weirdo family doesn't like sprinkles. WTF right? I mean who doesn't like extra sugar? Not me! I like all the sugar I can get.

And these sprinkles are really just the colored sugar granules. It's not like it's the crunchy sprinkles that I hate.

Every time I make something, hubby and Speedy yell "I don't want sprinkles on mine". Fine! But just so you know, I pick the BEST cookies for me. You know, the softest ones. That'll teach them a thing or two.

Oh and this icing was so easy to use. I'm gonna buy it again to do cupcakes. There was only one thing though. When it ran out, it made a loud pop noise and scared the shit out of me. So don't use it around the weak at heart. Unless you REALLY want their cookies.

P.S. I ate 4 cookies for dinner. Hubby ate 4 cookies AFTER his dinner. Bastard!!!

I Think My Nose Has Fallen Off

2010-01-08T09:10:00.002-06:00

Y'all I'm not gonna lie. When I walked out the house this morning, it felt like somebody slapped my face with a cold frying pan. It is SOOO cold out there. I'm on my third day of wearing scarves y'all. I NEVER wear a scarf!

I walked to my car and my ~~beautifully sculpted hair~~ cute enough hairdo was whipped around by the wind and when I looked in the rearview mirror, it looked like I hadn't even brushed the shit. Ugh! Maybe that's why you northerners wear hats. Right?

They talked about black ice being on the roads but I made it safely to work. Although I texted my boss and said I would be late since I was driving slow but in reality I just slept late.

So unless someone is dying this weekend, my ass ain't going NOWHERE.

And seeing the ice in the ditches this morning reminded me of my childhood. When I was about 10, it must have been really cold weather because the ditches on the back side of our property were frozen solid. So being the creative children that we were, my brother and I found a scrap piece of plywood and turned that into a sled of sorts. We'd put the wood on the ice and then run and jump on it and slide down the ice. We played in that ditch ALL DAY. We had so much fun.

That also reminds me of when we sat in an old wheelbarrow that didn't have the wheel on it and slid down a hill that was covered in pine straw. Another fun slide. We were just full of ideas. But then again this back before the internet and we didn't have cable TV. All we had was a regular old Nintendo and how long can you play Donkey Kong or Excitebike before it gets boring?

Those were the days. Building bungee cords with the garden hose, putting a fake snake in my Paw Paw's garden and laughing when he chopped the head off with his hoe, building forts with scrap lumber, tearing down said fort and rebuilding it even better, spinning around in the tire swing til we got so dizzy we puked, having crawfish mound mud fights, watching my brother try to ride that bully calf, videoing our own hunting video (that video still makes me die laughing), climbing trees, watching the baby chicks hatch, hatching one lone egg with a lightbulb and having that rooster be stupid and try to rip off your buttons when he was grown, feeding and holding baby pigs, loving on baby calves, riding and feeding treats to my pony (Oh yea I had my OWN pony), playing football out in the field with my cousins (can you say tomboy?), and lots of other great stuff. I was pretty lucky to have such a great childhood. We used our imaginations and had a blast because that's all we had.

So I got off topic there for a minute. The ice sliding in the ditch brought back lots of memories.

Yesterday the lawyers came and spent all damn day here at work. And I think it was Georgie who wanted to see me dressed up. So here I am...kinda.

Who has the cutest shoes that hurt your feet so bad that you secretly take your shoes off at your desk to let them breathe and scurry to get em on in time when someone walks in? ME!

These are my "Grandma Shoes". I love them but boy do they hurt my feet. I call them that because they remind me of the 40's and I LOVE that time period. And also cuz my mom said she had similar shoes in the 60's.

And who matches their headbands to their shoes? Me! I love this headband with the bow but by noon it was squishing my head. I guess I have a big head. Meh.

So that's about all you're gonna see of my fancy clothes. And these pics suck because I was secretly taking them while that meeting was going on in the next room. I know I know, I'm an AWESOME worker.

Cold Ass Day Take 2

2010-01-06T08:56:00.002-06:00

It's cold again today. OK so it's not your minus 200 degrees or anything you people speak of on Facebook, but it's still chilly. Anybody wanna be my friend on facebook click here. (Hopefully that link works. Let me know.) And if you DO become my friend PLEASE be my damn Farmville neighbor. I can't buy my damn plantation cuz I'm 3 neighbors short. K Thanks.

ANYWAY, I tried to make coffee again and I used more coffee and it tasted like pure shit. It was terrible so I give up on that. I'm just not a coffee maker.

I took another reader's advice and stopped at McD's this morning and got me some hot chocolate. I didn't feel like sitting in line at Starbucks so I dropped by Ronald's house instead. And plus I was hungry so I got a biscuit.

Have any of y'all tried the new McDonald's Frappe drinks? They're freaking GREAT! I get the caramel and it's sweet and yummy and y'all will probably say you don't even taste coffee in it, but that's why I love it. But I haven't figured out how many calories are in it since it's not on their website yet. So I've been scarfing them down until I see they have 900 calories in them and then I'll quit. Ignorance is bliss right now. (Hey McDonald's! You wanna give me some free coupons for the advertising? No? Yes? I'm here. )

And thanks to my reader in New York (Hey Jill!) I have learned how to tie my scarf. And boy does it keep my neck warm. Who knew? I still wear it fashionably down while at work since I'm so in style these days. NOT!

Tomorrow is supposed to be the coldest weather in Louisiana since like 1996. And we have lawyers coming to work to go over shit so I have to dress up. WTF? I guess I'll pull out my fancy boots and dress pants cuz I am NOT wearing a dress in this weather.

Oh and guess what. The pipes didn't bust with me taking my morning shower. Surprise surprise! So I guess I'm the more knowledgeable plumbing person at my house. Did you ever doubt that? HA

The Dead Deer Can Blame The Cold Weather

2010-01-05T08:30:00.002-06:00

It is FREEZING this morning. I don't say that very often cuz I live in humidity capital of the US, Louisiana. It's kinda like Forks, WA but not. (<--Only Twilight people would get that.)

So it's super ass cold today. I looked at the thermometer on the porch this morning and it said 22 degrees. 22!!! That unheard of!

And also since it's so cold, us Southerners have to run our water at night so our pipes won't freeze. And evidently hubby went to dumbass pipe rules school cuz we got in an argument last night about it. He swears that ME taking a shower in the morning is gonna bust the pipes cuz hot water will be going through cold pipes. Um wha wha? You run the water at night so the pipes don't freeze. They're not gonna explode when hot water runs through them. And also jackass, the hot water is only running from the hot water heater TO the shower which is INSIDE the house.

I swear we fight about this every year and he always thinks I'm gonna bust the pipes. I even asked a plumber about it a few years ago and also my dad and BIL. They all agree with me that as long as we run the water, the pipes are fine. It's just hubby doesn't believe any of this and is a dumbass.

And you can tell when it's cold down here cuz on the drive in to work, I saw a lot of Hunter's Orange, coveralls and camo gear. We don't have very much winter attire but we have warm hunting gear. And we aren't afraid to bust it out. And also some deer were killed in the making of this post. What? They can't see us with all our camo on.

(Hunter's Orange is a bright neon orange that hunters wear so other hunters can see them and not think they are a deer walking around. I saw lots of hats and jackets this morning in that color.)

I even busted out my colorful scarf this morning.

My face is frozen in that pic. And I really don't know how to tie a scarf. Meh. It's pretty and keeps my neck warm so who gives a shit.

I also busted out the coffee machine. I'm not much of a coffee drinker so I suck at making it. You'd all probably just call it flavored water with sugar cuz it sure ain't very strong. And it kinda sucks. LOL

This Thursday is supposed to be really bad. Sleet/Rain/Snow mix and it's gonna be in the teens. WTF am I gonna do? I've never in my life been in temps when it's the teens. How do you people up north do it?

P.S. Mail me some gloves cuz the only kind I have are knitted. I think I might die. And lose my fingers from frostbite. Then I can never type again. And you'll think I really did die. OK so I'm only in the weather walking to and from my car BUT it's damn cold. Send help. And also instructions on tying a scarf and making coffee.

The Grinch Finds The TRUE Meaning Of Christmas

2009-12-27T23:45:00.002-06:00

I've been reading some blogs this morning and reading what great presents everyone got for Christmas. Me and hubby don't give each other gifts because we've never really had too much money to begin with so we just buy for Speedy.

So I'll show you the only gift that I DID get. My mom makes sure that everybody gets a gift no matter what and man did she do great this year. She got me some new Paula Deen pots that I've been wanting along with a cookbook.

I've been sick since last week so I haven't used them yet but I can't wait to see how great they are. I've been using cheapy ass Walmart pots that I got when we first got married 9 years ago so it was about time I got some new ones. And plus all the nonstick coating has worn off so everything sticks when I cook. LOL

And Speedy went to town when he opened his gifts from Santa. It was a whirlwind of wrapping paper and squeals.

This was the first pic of the morning so that's why he's got that look on his face. He was still half asleep. (Tink too. ha)

Those were the only pics I took of him since I videoed the rest. Here he is opening his very first present and the main thing that he wanted. A tanker truck.

And here is the reason that I don't buy for myself. The real reason I love Christmas and why the Grinch's heart grew.

So I might not have anything nice or fancy to show as my Christmas present, but I do have these videos and they make me happier than any kind of gift I could have received. And this pic below shows what makes me the happiest. A happy, healthy boy who is just as goofy as I am.
I hope you all had a great Christmas.

I Hope That's What You Wanted AKA I Hate It

2009-12-20T23:15:00.004-06:00

On Saturday I went to get my haircut and figured, like always, why don't I change it up a bit. My mom HATES this about me, but I always have different colored hair. It's been blond, brown, red, highlighted, lowlighted and the only color I haven't had was black. (Also my mom refuses to dye her hair and has never ever done so. So with her dark almost black color, she now has salt and pepper hair.)

So I told my fave stylist to darken my hair up a bit. I told her "You know I've never had black hair before" and she told me not to go too drastic. She said to try a dark chocolate brown and then work my way up to black.

Well dark chocolate seems to be very dark and I'm loving it. Sadly it will fade soon since I wash my hair daily. ( I can't help it. My hair is oily and I HAVE to wash it everyday.) So I'm gonna enjoy the darkness while it lasts. <---That sentence sounds emo. LOL

I got home and hubby did a double take and like usual said "I hope that's what you wanted" which means he doesn't really like it and doesn't wanna hear me bitch about if I don't like it later on. I told him I loved it and to shut his piehole.

Well yesterday I had just taken a shower when my FIL called me to come help help transfer money on his computer. (Not only am I the IT person, I'm also his bookkeeper it seems.) So I walked over, why yes we do live next door to the in-laws, and my hair was still soaking wet from my shower.

My FIL looks at my hair and says "You sure darkened your hair this time. I hope that's what you wanted". Gee like father like son it seems. But they're both men and don't really matter so no sweat off my back.

I went to my Mom's to take her to see New Moon, squeee!, and my grandma saw my hair and loved it. She said I looked sassy. WTF? Thanks Maw Maw.

I decided to snap a few pics to show y'all. Here is what color I was before. And also that's I'm a nerd with my glasses on.

And here is my new color. It's not black but it's close. And my newly cut bangs were pissing me off so I pulled them to the side.

I then started acting dumb, like usual, when I have a camera. LOL This is my creepy, yes maaster, pic.

And I have no idea what this one is. LOL What can I say, I'm a goofball.

Also if you ever need to keep your dog off your sofa, you should put this on it.

Why yes that IS tin foil. Tink is scared to death of foil and garbage bags. And we used foil before on another dog we had and she never got on the sofa again.

Tink is keeping her distance so hopefully this will work. She's so dumb that shiny things scare her. LOL My house is full of weirdness it seems.

Get A Hold Of That Thing When You're Peeing Boy

2009-12-18T08:39:00.003-06:00

Why is it, that when Speedy doesn't have school, he wakes up just so bright and early but when he DOES have school, I have to drag his ass out of bed? Please explain that to me. Thanks!

Today is a half day at school so last night hubby said that he'd just keep Speedy home since he would really only be going to school for lunch since they're only there for 3 hours. So I said fine cuz that means I get to sleep later.

Well I'm in the shower and I hear little feet thumping down the hall. Yep Speedy was up. EARLIER than when I usually wake him up. And by wake him up, I mean drag him out of his covers and dress him while he's whining about "5 more minutes".

He didn't know he wasn't going to school. How in the hell did he wake up on his own? I didn't turn his TV on when I got up so maybe that's the key to all this. You can bet your ass when he DOES have school (in 2 weeks) that I'll be trying out my theory.

And while I was standing there putting on my makeup, he wanders in the bathroom and starts peeing. I look over and he's pissing all over the toilet. I yelled "Watch where you're peeing Speedy!" and he looked down and said "It's out of control!". WTF? I guess he was half asleep still but his wiener got away from him it seems.

I laughed because he was so serious about it. Since I don't have a weenie, I wonder if it's like a fire hose, if it gets a lot of pressure, it's hard to hold onto.

Wieners, sometimes they're hard to control. That's what she said.